The Blue Eyed House

The Fam (And some very past due pictures)

2012-01-30T00:05:00.006-07:00

My heart has a lot of gratitude for my family lately.

My siblings and I can't plan a family reunion without practically cussing each other out. We all shared the same childhood but have different memories of it. We don't all think alike or vote alike. We all look different too and have our own parenting techniques.

But, we love each other, and you better believe that if I needed it, I would have 5 siblings standing up for me (with a mom there worrying too and dad probably ready to wrestle someone to the ground.)

Just the other day we were hanging out at Katie's house dying laughing over several topics, including the fact that we have one sister who is teaching her kids to stand up and declare, "I will not be BAMBOOZLED!" when schools try to run idiotic fundraisers.

Another was the conversation that it's all about function over form. Give us the darkest carpet you can cause we don't want to see the purple kool-aid stains (During our childhood, our brother once threw up purple kool-aid from laughing so hard during an attempt at a proper Family Home Evening. One thing my mom didn't have to worry about was staining because the carpet was already dark brown. You could hide a tootsie roll in the carpet and never know.)

As the years go on and we aren't the same family, living under one roof, of course there have been big changes. I've watched my siblings endure things (and continue to endure things) that are just plain hard and make you cry. We don't have the carefree days of our childhood anymore, but we are working to give that to our children.

And I think that's why I've been feeling a lot of gratitude lately. Cause I look at all the ways my siblings could have become bitter or angry at life, and they still find ways to make me laugh until I cry. My brother still brings a ball to the park to throw around with the kids and continues the tradition of proving that he is the strongest in the family, Katie still works hard everyday to cement herself in favorite aunt status with my children, Karyn and I ponder over the ways we are too much like our dad, Kari's brain survived twins and childbirth and she is my go-to for smart things that I can't seem to physically comprehend (like legal tax stuff) and Kristen rules the world from Safford... we aren't all perfect, but I'm very blessed to have my siblings be a big part of my life and the lives of my kiddos.
___________________________

Mom, remember asking for these pictures a year and a half ago?

Papa Fest Family Reunion, June 2010 - We went to a resort in the valley, stayed the night and played in the pool, played shuffle board, played games, ate some food, tried to tame the screaming children. And we attempted family pictures.

This is not a very good set up for a family picture, we are missing two brother-in-laws (and now a few kids), we are fresh out of the pool, but we tried. The rest of the pictures in the series are comical. Mallory does a little dance, Kent gets sad and mad about something and finds a hole behind some cousins to hide in, Leta and Annie start to slip away, aunts try to help with angry kids, moms get mad and then the whole bunch goes to pot.

Family pictures are generally not a moment of sunshine and roses.

My oldest sister Kristen and her kids. (MIA brother-in-law - out coaching football)

My one and only brother and his girls (they just had a boy in December)

My next sister Kari and her boys (she is the one that married Ryan's cousin and also has twins)

Katie is the next sibling who somehow snuck away from an individual shot. I think her boys were peeling off their shirts and scattering before we could catch them.

Then Karyn and her kiddos (she added another boy and is about to have a girl). MIA brother-in-law who was probably out knocking doors and running a very successful campaign.

And then there is me. I remember this picture very well. I was tired (obviously). I had been out in the sun all day long and Leta and Annie weren't handling being at a hotel. They were cranky pies. And so were Lucy and Elsa after a long day. Everyone was crying (but me) and I just wanted a quick picture anyways. Ryan refused to get in the picture with a bunch of crying girls, I was ticked, and click - this is what you get. Happy Family. (At least I can look back and laugh at this picture, though at the time I just wanted to pinch my husband.)

Then we celebrated Lucy and Elsa's 4th birthday (so my 28th, and Leta and Annie's 1st) and all was well again. Awe, such a happy ending.

Potty Training

2012-01-26T21:28:00.005-07:00

I so thought it would be easier the second time around.

Wrong. Now I am the mother of 4, not 2.

I am a fan of potty training early. It's wonderful if you can ditch diapers as soon as possible. With Lucy and Elsa we started the process at 2 and frankly, with my potty party and the time that I could devote just to them, it wasn't that hard. However, when Leta and Annie turned 2, they were no where near ready. Sure, maybe if they were singletons and not #3 and #4, I could have done it, but with twins, they needed to be able to help with some of the process. They weren't talking much, nor could they dress themselves. I would have been the only one potty trained. The facts are that Leta and Annie are a few months developmentally behind where Lucy and Elsa were at the same age. (And, well, sometimes diapers are just plain easier.)

So, I decided to take the long patient way. And it seemed to be working. Annie was doing excellent keeping her diapers dry and telling me when she needed to go on the potty. And it was all mostly her doing the work. Sweet.

Then we hit a wall. Well, we fell off the wall.

Leta at this point would refuse anything to do with the toilet. So, I decided one day last week that I was tired of paying for diapers and we were going cold turkey. Leta and Annie donned a pair of unds the whole day. Leta cried for the loss of her diapers, but she did excellent. Annie, however, decided for some reason to have nothing to do with the potty anymore. Maybe she was a tad jealous of Leta taking her potty. I don't know, but there were screams if I tried to have her sit on the pot.

Needless to say, the next days we had stuff going on, so back to the diapers it was and no one was telling me when they had to go, not even my once reliable Annie.

After a few days of just chilling out about the matter we are at this point:

- Annie will often cry POTTY at inconvenient times like church, the store, bedtime but will often refuse to sit on the potty once we get there.

- Annie is at about 65% of where she used to be in the potty process before Leta started having success.

- Leta, who used to go poop one time a day has figured out the system and now goes poop about 5 times a day so that she gets 5 suckers, not 1. I'm raising a genius.

- Leta's favorite color is black and her favorite potty treat is "black sucker." We don't have black suckers.

We will get there eventually, I just need to block out a week where I don't do anything else. (And if anyone is reading this and thinking to themselves all the ways that they could potty train their hypothetical twins better, they are more than welcome to come give it a try on mine.)

Funny things about potty training:

- The play by play I get when they are on the potty and how descriptive they can be.

- The comedy of nekkid buns.

- The fact that when I go to the bathroom, I have 2 two year olds exclaim, "Mommy gets a treat!"

I'll take it.

(Trying to take a picture of Ryan and Elsa's first one on one date and we have a streaker.)

________

As I look at my little twins, it's weird thinking that at this point with Lucy and Elsa, I was close to 3 months pregnant. Holy cow! I loved going back tonight and reading this post and this post. Such fun times. It makes me realize again, that sometimes we go through hard things. Sometimes we witness other people go through hard times, but we need to bask in the joy when we have it.

This picture gets it.

Change of Seasons

2012-01-23T23:30:00.008-07:00

I don't know if it's just me, or if tides are changing, but it seems as though life might be getting a tad easier. (I'm hoping it's not just a glitch in the system and that I'm pulling my hair out tomorrow.) I'm still behind in several things I need to do, but, we are good. We finally don't have throw-up on our carpet thanks to my amazing Rug Dr. skills, we aren't coughing up our lungs anymore, no one is running to the bathroom in agony, and Lucy and Elsa's room is on it's way to being decorated after 4 years of trying.

Leta and Annie still follow me around a good part of the day and cry to both be held like they are 1 again, but they are slowly but surely learning that I can't hold them 24-7. (Let it be known that I don't think anyone could ever say I didn't hold my babies enough. I practically wore them for the first 2 years of their life. Now that they are 2 1/2, I'm trying to wean them off of being carried everywhere.)

I even sewed a purse this morning for my niece, and although there were a few times Annie stepped on the pedal too, and both girls unraveled several spools of ribbon, it was overall a good, calm, crafting experience.

Plus, we are doing better about being able to clean up after dinner. Before it was just a miracle to get everyone fed and then it would be off to control the chaos again - forget the dishes. Forget putting food away until after kids were in bed. But, tonight, we all pitched in and cleaned for 15 minutes and I'm wondering, why did it take us 2 1/2 years to get to this point???

It seems like we are getting into some better routines around here. Forget that they have only lasted a few days, but hey, I see greatness in our future.

Lucy and Elsa are reading and writing more. The other day I woke up to "Mom I love you" post it notes on the wall. Seriously, that moment will go down in history as a great mom moment.

They have even gotten into the habit of laying out their clothes for school all by themselves each evening. This equates to much MUCH easier mornings which means it now seems feasible to read scriptures in the morning without waking up at the crack of dawn - something I try to avoid like my life depends on it. (The evening scripture time was turning into a circus with several fighting and loud lions. Which made for 2 very grumpy ring leaders.) We may have only made it through half a verse of Lucy and Elsa helping to read, but, it's feasible nonetheless. And there was no fighting or yelling.

Leta and Annie are discovering the beauty of dressing up and dancing which always brings me a smile. Today they danced to Saturday's Warrior. "Jimmy, we love you. Please don't turn us away."

Annie knows how to dress herself and put on her own shoes which is really nice. (Though 5 outfits a day means I'm quickly heading back into the phase of washing a ton more laundry than is needed. Not to mention the comedy and shock of turning around to see a 2 year old with not a stitch but her hot pink flower shoes covering her body.)

And Ryan and I had another go at a parent council meeting on Sunday. And although my lovely spouse may have rolled his eyes at my agenda for our meeting, we actually counciled more than the usual "what's going on this week? what do you want to eat this week?" We are improving. Slowly but surely, this Melzer family bus is heading in the right direction.

Oh, we embrace technology here in the Melzer house. Definitely not technophobes. Below, they are watching an interactive book and today Ryan showed them video of their cat beating up a crocodile (okay, not our Hobbes, but it looked like it.)

For the last 5 years, especially the last 2 1/2, life has been a whirlwind. I totally thought after having one set of twins I would know how to handle temper tantrums and even potty training better. Hah, hah, hah! Sometimes it seriously feels like I'm breaking in a wild horse.

Every day I worry about if I'm doing it right. If I'm screwing up my kids. Yes, a lot of time I live in fear that I'm messing everything up. So not a way to live. I'm slowly learning and seeing that being a mom requires not only extreme patience with my children, but patience with myself and patience with the time it takes to see actual fruits of my labor. I'm not going to reach perfection today, so I'm trying to quit fretting over it and wasting away the days in worry but rather just keep plugging along.

It was also nice to read this article found here. I've tried to capture thoughts like this before, but I just love how this writer put it all together.

Moral of the story, I'm still enjoying the journey. And I love seeing how seasons are changing.

Ryan even took the child proof latches off all of our kitchen cupboards.

(Oh, I still remember the days of extreme frustration as toddling Lucy and Elsa would unload everything in my house, like two little tornadoes. I remember frustrating hours of installing latches and locks and drilling holes in my beautiful cabinetry. Some in the wrong spot, so we ended up with a few unneeded holes. Those latches saved my sanity though they were so darn annoying when trying to put pots and pans away. And now we don't need them anymore. Kind of bittersweet.)

________

In unrelated news, tonight Ryan and I scared the tar out of Leta. Our house is piped for central vac. We don't have it hooked up, but tonight Leta and Annie were playing with one of the wall returns in our front room. We had never thought of the fun we could have with those pipes. Ryan thought it would be hilarious to run to our bathroom and growl in the wall return there, so I stayed with the girls and told them to look and listen to see if they could hear anything in the wall. It seriously sounded like a monster was in our wall. Leta gave the most scared look I've seen, slammed that return shut and ran away screaming. When I picked her up she was shaking like a leaf and white as a ghost. Needless to say Leta was much more calm the rest of the night and we gave her extra snuggle time. Poor little Pita Pie. (I so wish I had it on video though.)

Darn, this was supposed to be a quick post. Midnight beeps on the watch again. I'll never learn will I. (okay, I probably will, but it'll take some time to break this horse of her habbits.)

Days Like These are What Life is Made Of

2012-01-15T20:55:00.001-07:00

Saturday:
-Went for an impromptu bike ride with girls. It took us only an hour to get half decent and ready to get out the door. Olders rode new Christmas bikes, I pushed youngers in the stroller so we could go a farther distance.
- Cleaned, did laundry, made smoothies and funny homemade granola bars and worked in the yard.
- Ryan got home from his 10 1/2 mile overnight scout backpacking trip.
- Cleaned some more, did more laundry, rode bikes in our driveway as I cleaned the garage.
- Baths to clean up dirty girls and a bleeding Leta (she busted her lip and toe while riding bikes).
- Dinner made by Ryan.
- Girls to bed early because of no naps for the youngers today.
- More cleaning, returned stuff to sisters, went to grocery store, finished one more load of laundry.
- Was falling asleep through my own prayer and drifted off to sleep at midnight.

Sunday:
- 12:05 AM - Annie has thrown-up.
- Clean up bed, Ryan cleans up Annie.
- Make bed on floor for Annie to sleep on.
- Leta refuses to go back to bed too.
- It ends up with me, laying on the ground with 2 throwing up 2 1/2 year olds on me and beside me, towels, a throw-up bowl and toilet paper scattered around.
- 5 hour cycle of me trying to get girls to aim in a bowl and not choke on throw-up, cleaning up misses, cleaning up kiddos, trying to get everyone to fall asleep, finally drifting off for a literal minute and waking up to another gagging girl. Repeated about a million times.
- Looked at clock at 4:00 AM and tried to will it to morning time.
- We finally were able to get some sleep at 5 in the morning. At 8:30 they darted out of the room like they had a full nights rest. Wish I was as resilient.
- Redid half the laundry I did on Saturday and lots of holding all four 1/2 sick girls while watching every "Dog Jobs" episode on BYU T.V.
- Ryan makes dinner again and receives husband of the year award.
- Everyone is sleeping with throw-up bowls for precautionary measures.
- Wonder if I'm going to get the stomach bug or if basically wallowing in throw-up with my 2 year olds in the middle of the night gave me some needed super powers.

Why I'm Not....

2012-01-13T23:44:00.003-07:00

I blame my lack of self-discipline on #1 - I don't like pain. I tend to avoid anything that will bring me pain. Pain scares me. I think I can handle pain. And I like to hold onto the badge of honor that a doctor once told me I have a high pain tolerance, but I still hate pain. And #2 - "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman." Not really, but this is my earliest recollection of openly realizing that self-discipline is not one of my strong points - I'm good at excuses.

So "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" was a show I would watch with my mom. I'm sure some of you remember it. A doctor during the 1800's out on the prairie, married a man who lived with the Indians. In one of the episodes, a young Indian boy was sent on a journey. I don't remember all the details, but he was supposed to journey through the wilderness, find an open spot, draw a circle and stay inside that circle for so many days (or something to that effect). I remember my young mind (maybe I was 10?) thinking, "That's stupid." "Why risk your life just to stay inside the circle? What is that going to prove when you die from exposure to the elements and starvation?"

So it began a life of coming up with goals and eventually thinking, "That's stupid. What's the point?"

Goal: Waking up on a regular basis before kids.

Result: That's stupid. Kids just started waking up earlier too.

Goal: Go back on my kick to not drink pop - ever again. (I was carbonation free from 9th grade until marriage. Then only once a year until I got pregnant.)

Result: That's stupid. Sometimes a Pepsi sounds good.

Goal: Cut back on sugar

Result: That's stupid. I'm generally healthy. This batch of no-bake cookies at least has oatmeal in it.

Sadly, so many of my well intended goals end up in a "Why?" bucket.

I try to remind myself that obviously I have some self control. I've been able to do some pretty great things with life. You don't get things done if you don't have any self control. I just need to fine tune it I guess.

So I set one goal for this year: exercise.

Since getting married, I've never exercised regularly. I would do active things, but daily exercise has never been a habit of mine. I had a gym membership after having Lucy and Elsa, but that was a joke. I have my personal issues with other people watching my kids regularly and gym daycare just never worked out for me. (I do realize that going to the gym is some moms' form of sanity - it just wasn't mine.) And really, for the last 2 1/2 years every day was a exercise routine (I knew I should have purchased one of those Body Bug things that tells you how many calories you are burning - just to prove what a work-out being a mom can be.) We are an active family, but, I could never claim to exercise regularly.

So, despite my past record of writing down millions of goals each new year, this year, the only one that kept popping up was exercise. I've come to a point in my life that I realize that committing to daily exercise is going to be the deciding factor in a lot of areas of my life.

I want to be a nicer mom.

I want to be more spiritual.

I want to not procrastinate my to-do lists.

I want to be happier and have more energy.

I want to stand taller (literally - I feel like a certain Disney character who lives in the bell tower by the end of the day).

I want to have a healthy glow.

I want to teach my girls healthy habits.

I want to feel less stress and anxiety.

I want to think faster and more clearly. I want to answer Ryan's simple questions without struggling to think of the words and have to resort to miming it.

I want to be organized.

I want to be awesome.

And the one thing that my little heart said would help in all these areas was exercise. Basically making exercise a habit is my pathway to breaking out of my self-control issues with the added perk of being a natural anti-anxiety pill.

I don't want to loose weight.

It won't bring back my senior year of high school body.

And running a marathon still sounds like an idiotic idea to me (running until you throw-up or get the 'runs' - no thank you).

I just plan to do the simple things every day that bring my heart rate up and make me sweat (and I'm not talking about times when my two year old falls in a pan of paint or when the laundry is about the touch the ceiling.) I'm talking jumping rope more than twice a month or actually training for a 5K instead of just winging it.

And so far in 2012, I've stunk at my goal. I did some stretches for 2 days and jumped up and down holding Leta on another day (I've had a cold the entire duration of 2012). But, that is okay. My head is going to clear, I will have less and less excuses, and I have about 353 days left to make exercise a habit. I even get an extra day because of leap day.

It may take until the very last day to officially feel like exercise is a habit of mine - but I can do it in 2012. I will draw that circle and stay in it, even if it sounds stupid. Cause if I do, and I survive, that is what warriors are made of.

1-10-12 at 11:12PM

2012-01-10T23:12:00.011-07:00

I have a million posts in the draft pile, but they will have to wait. (Some have been in the draft pile for years, just waiting for pictures. Oops.)

I can't seem to sit still or focus, that is unless I'm watching some mindless movie on Netflix. Laziness sounds so good in the moment - not so much when I let things pile up.

Just started back with postings at I Heart Mesa. Funny thing about I Heart Mesa - posts that seem like they should take minutes to prepare take hours. I'm not a fast blogger (except for some posts on my personal blog like this one - though I do figure I will read and reread it a million times to see if I sound dumb before posting - then I'll have Ryan hurry and read it to see if I need to delete or change anything that is dumb or too weird - and that worry takes time you know.) Also, another thing about I Heart Mesa, it is like my few years of teaching: even when I'm not doing my job, I still worry about it. When I taught, I constantly worried about things I should be doing. It's the same with I Heart Mesa. Maybe I should finally learn how to not procrastinate and to focus.

For Christmas, I made a few homemade gifts. They were cute and I should have taken pictures, but, I didn't make the time. Luckily some of the recipients took pictures.

This one was for the "little" brother-in-laws living and working in Utah.

And this one was for Angela and Clint and their baby girl (coming Spring 2012). We exchange names in the Melzer family. I found this little guy at the thrift store and knew I could charm him up. Brought him home and sanded him, fixed his eye problem, then Lucy and Elsa and I stained him, put him back together sturdier than ever, and Leta and Annie and I gave him a new set of hair, a new handle bar, and some feminine touches (hope he didn't mind). I thought he turned out so stinkin cute.

Angela has a blog where many stylish ladies (and some men) stop by to peak at her life. I secretly love it when she posts pictures of my children because I love reading all her readers' comments about how cute my girls are. So, when she posted a picture of the rocking horse we redid for her, you better believe I read each and every one of those comments.

I know I shouldn't be, but, I'm such a sucker for compliments. And blog compliments are the best because you don't have to try to come up with something to say back to the person like a face to face compliment. (I get a little embarrassed at face to face compliments, and usually try to minimize the spotlight effect of them.)

You know what? Blogging has taught me that I make up far too many words. Like, I totally thought minimalize was a word. Nope, just minimize. Whoops.

Lucy and Elsa are done with school for another 6 days. That is the perk of having half day kindergarten. Every time we come back from a long break, soon after is parent teacher conference week and a short day schedule (for full day kids). But, in order to accommodate the half day kiddos without changing start times, they have AM go Monday and Tuesday, and PM go Thursday and Friday. So, we have off the rest of the week plus MLK day on Monday makes for a few happy girls (and mom). Lucy and Elsa are excited that they get to watch Sesame Street with their little sisters tomorrow. I'm excited that we don't have to get ready at 7 in the morning.

Our front porch Christmas lights are still plugged in thanks to Annie's request (demand). I guess that is to be expected considering we still have pumpkins out front too.

I have a toothache (just a minor one). Can't tell if it is a bona fide toothache or a symptom of having a 2 week long cold and a head full of snot. I'm hoping it's the head full of snot thing. Dental insurance? What's that?

I used to wear my retainer faithfully every night. Since Leta and Annie - it's been maybe once a week. On average.

Lucy has her second loose tooth. Elsa just might have her first. Who said they could be early bloomers on loosing teeth?

Dinner tonight sustained life - but wasn't very pretty. I tried making whole wheat noodles. Fail. Won't be sharing this batch of chicken noodle soup. (Unless I blend it up for baby food for my nephew Rockwell.)

This quick post just went through about a million post edits (I keep thinking of more random things to say. My thinker won't stop.) Even when I hit publish I'm still never done.

We are just a bucket of excitement over here I tell you. A bucket.

We've Got Annie

2012-01-05T22:47:00.000-07:00

A day with Annie:
- Annie acted like she wanted a drink from my cup but decided to spit in it instead.
- Annie climbed in her crib to keep tabs on it so that I wouldn't put baby Rockwell down for a nap in her spot.
- Annie has to be reminded to swallow. She drools a lot.
- Annie will keep diapers dry but seems to wet every pair of under-roos we try.
- Annie decides if it will be a good or a bad nap time for both her and Leta.
- Annie needed a new spoon because she couldn't possibly use the one she dropped on the floor.
- Annie pushed and hit and pulled Leta's hair while at Costco.
- Annie decided to lay down and refuse to move right in the middle of Costco. (Usually I just leave her and let her throw her temper tantrum, but at Costco, that is like leaving your child to play in a busy road.)
- Annie went to sleep with 2 pairs of pajamas on.

Can you tell someone is a tad stubborn?

But, Annie is also great at walking up to you after she has smacked you in the face and while gently caressing your check, she will say, "Be soft," over and over.

She is also excellent at giving hugs and kisses. And she won't just give one kiss. Lots and lots of them.

For such a stubborn stink with an angry streak, she sure is a cute and mostly sweet, talkative thing. What would I do without this chatterbox constantly following me around?
She's our Annie.

10 Years

2012-01-03T21:46:00.003-07:00

Ryan won't put up with my tendency to belittle myself. In fact, he gets mad at me when I do. It can be a tad frustrating when sometimes I just want someone to listen or moan and groan with me, but it teaches me that negativity towards myself gets no attention.

I like to reward Ryan with a nice back-rub when he has done well in public and handled crowds with ease.

Ryan is teaching me how to be punctual.

I am teaching him child development.

In fact, marriage almost feels like parenting on a bigger scale. Ryan and I are helping each other grow up.

Sure enough, Ryan and I have reached our 10 year anniversary of growing up together. It feels pretty odd and awesome at the same time to say 10 years. I don't know how I can sum up the last 10 years. It seemed to fly by .

Thankfully we have a marriage where both of us are committed to it. It sure makes it easier. Not to mention that I married someone who can cook, clean, bathe 4 little girls, and doesn't sleep longer than is needful. Even if he is stubborn and doesn't like crowds.

There have been days of bliss, yet, there was also that time that I threw the phone down and said, "I hate you."

(We were newly married and I was 19 and took my car in for my first oil change. My dad always did those things for me before I was married. I didn't know oil change places take advantage of you with needless fixes so it ended up being an $80 oil change. After paying I realized I had been cheated and the guilt was already enough to teach me a lesson. I called my new husband for a shoulder to cry on and got a lecture, not what I wanted. So for about 10 minutes, yes, I hated Ryan.)

In the past 10 years there have been....

months of getting used to sleeping next to someone (we soon figured out we can't share blankets)

and weight gain (I added 10 pounds in about the first 2 months of marriage.)

There were scholarships to be gotten

and fun vacations....Tennessee, Utah, my first drive down to Mexico, California....

There was the triumph of finishing college together after years of full time work and student status and only seeing each other after 10 at night.

There was winning the "bid" on our HUD home (hah, we were the only ones that bid - too bad we didn't know that) and officially becoming homeowners and saying goodbye to the duplex that left me moody in the summers. That yard was begging for some TLC.

There was the day I officially had my own classroom and good luck flowers from Ryan.

And Ryan's first purchase of a nice camera.

Where he paid this man $1 to take his picture

There was the purchase of new cars and the selling of my $1 mini-van.

And that Christmas where we were asked to dress up like Mary and Joseph for a stake nativity (Ryan hates dressing up. I relished in the opportunity because I knew this may be the last time Ryan could ever be forced to play dress up.)

There was fertility medicine (where I swore it didn't effect my mood but Ryan would beg to differ...)

And more fancy vacations because that is what you do with double income and no kids...Washington D.C. and Cancun, Colorado, California, Utah and Washing D.C. again

This isn't a man purse - it's a camera bag.

We even took a hot-air balloon ride that really wasn't that exhilarating.

There was the time we paid Ryan's sister Anna $2000 in ones. We thought it was hilarious.

And 2 little girls who surprised us and made my belly into a table.

There was a move to our final abode (where we plan to stay for the rest of our lives) Don't worry, those palm trees were tamed with a 3 ft chain saw.

And the birth of our first borns and our entrance to parenthood. I layed there in bed after birthing our girls - doped up on medicine to keep me from having a stroke and Ryan just kept staring at me and smiling. There was almost a tear in his eyes. We were parents and I had just announced that we would name them Lucy Pearl and Elsa Kate.

There was the accident and totaling of Ryan's car.

There was the beginning of I Heart Mesa.

And that time that somehow Ryan convinced me to go to Italy (and we bid farewell to big vacations for the next decade). We sat in Venice and took pictures of unsuspecting people with a borrowed zoom lens. My favorite part of the trip.

We marveled at this family that would travel to Europe with 2 sets of twins...little did we know this would soon be us.

There was another accident and another totaled car.

And to our utter enjoyment, there was another 2 little surprises....(who thankfully waited until after the car accident to grow inside me)

Another set a twins brought about the time that Ryan proved his love by just about passing out during delivery (I've never seen him cry, but I love that he came close to passing out from worry.)

There were medical bills and a change in finances and a call to creativity.

There were millions of diapers to change and crazy times of 4 kids 3 and under.

There was sacrifice and tears and a force to do better, try harder and give more than we have ever given before.

There was blogging.

And, there were even still some vacations, some hiking, a little bit of yelling, but a good amount of love.

My aunt Mitzi said when I started dating Ryan, "What you see is what you get." Thankfully she was right.

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T20:54:00.000-07:00

I'm pooped. 2 too many nights of staying up till 3 and 4 in the morning. Leta fell asleep on the car ride home and didn't wake up while I changed her, diapered her and put her back to bed in her crib. I crawled into Annie's crib with her to snuggle her and tell her good night. I could have fallen asleep in there with her. We are all exhausted.

So just a quick few thoughts:

Christmas is always happy when there is gratitude. Lucy and Elsa were the perfect receivers today. "Mom! This is the best day ever!!!!" "Thank you thank you mom and dad!!!!" (while giving a big hug). I always get a little worried before the big day if our girls will be disappointed with their presents. They weren't. Many smiles from all today.

I am reminded once again of my many blessings.

- The blessing of creativity:
This year (and every year) you hear of stories of families who won't have Christmas. Often I think, "but there is so much you can do without spending money. Christmas magic isn't only about money." And then I come back to reality and eat a dose of humble pie and realize that I was raised in a home where I was taught to sew and how to cook beans. I know how to turn trash into treasures. I know how to find free activities to entertain my kiddos and how to utilize the resources around me. I know how to add a dose of magic into our home without spending a dime. Not everyone was taught those things from infancy.

- The gift of health:
My newest little nephew, born a week and a half ago, was diagnosed with severe hemophilia type A and had bleeding on the brain. Miracles have happened to guard and protect this little boy since before birth and we are ever grateful. But once again I am reminded that our health, especially the health of our children, is more precious than the riches of the world.

- The gift of Christ:
Sometimes I feel utterly helpless. I want to heal my nephew. I want to take away all the sadness of a friend going through a divorce. I want to say all the right words and be a great comfort. Often, I can't do the desires of my heart. I fall short. But, we have all been given the gift of Jesus Christ. Born as a baby in the most humble of circumstances. He heals. He comforts. He knows how to love perfectly. He is the reason to celebrate. He lives!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

The Truth Behind the Pictures.

2011-12-13T22:54:00.000-07:00

So, I love Pinterest. I no longer save random pictures to my desktop and I can quickly get ideas and tutorials in a matter of seconds. All of which are saved on the internet with corresponding links. Perfect. Each night I hop on for a few seconds (okay, maybe minutes - but Pinterest is much quicker than stopping to read blogs) and glean inspiration.

There are so many quick and simple ideas that I have already used from my few months on Pinterest:
- submersible lights in the bath
- water beads
- circle skirt tutorial
- home-made drain de-clogger
- oatmeal smoothies
- Family Home Evening Ideas
- Halloween costume inspiration.

The list could go on.

But, sometimes they make things seem easier than they are.

For instance, thanks to Pinterest, I came across some fabulous hairstyles for little girls. I'm always in the hunt to have my girls be the ones in the crowd with cute hair, so I watched some tutorials and decided to give it a whirl.

The pictures and tutorial didn't say anything about the fact that my girls would cry the entire time with sensitive head issues. I can only be so soft, and really, if I'm going to be as soft as my girls would have me be, that would mean I could never brush their hair again.

The pictures also didn't say anything about the fact that this hairstyle is great if you have a prize child, not 4 little girls. What were Leta and Annie doing during the epic circle braid? Eating toothpaste. And I let them play and eat cause I was on a mission - to produce one day of cute hairness.

As you can see, we didn't make it that far with Lucy Tucy. Too many tears, we couldn't go any farther.

But Elsa...she held strong and we had to document the triumphant Princess Hair. You bet I'm giving you 4 pictures of the same exact head.

And toothpaste eating Annie got what I call "The Quail"

And 2 seconds after Epic Hair Showdown, we went out to ride bikes and the helmet caused Princess Hair damage.

Fail.

Exhibit B: Cinnamon Ornaments via Pinterest

We tried out the recipe today, 2 ingredients, it seemed easy enough. Sure the recipe was easy, the execution...not so much. I'm pretty sure I screamed, "STOPPPP!" at one point in our fun mother/daughter togetherness moment...now that I think of it, every moment is a mother/daughter togetherness moment but I guess I was just trying to make this one more special...back to my original thought...so I screamed out because I had 3 girls on the counter, one on the chair next to me, the two L's in the family were duking it out over stirring rights and cinnamon paste was being flung through the air. My patience had met its max.

Eventually we finished, though 2 of the 4 lost interest after the STOPPP incident (apparently it wasn't as fun if you couldn't fling), but after the requested baking time, the bigger ornaments were breaking apart.

Fail.
(At least we went to the library today - even amidst the storms - and checked out our Christmas books.)

So, the moral of the story: I still love Pinterest, but once again, I'm reminded life can not be summed up in a picture.

Pictures Happenings From the Last Month or So

2011-12-11T22:53:00.000-07:00

I'm so behind in posting that you get 3 in 1 day. Bet you are so excited!

We drove to South Mountain on the cold, windy, dustormy Friday in early November. Much colder than I thought it would be, so we didn't stay up there long. But still a fun drive. I only got car sick on the way back. I enjoyed listening to Ryan tell the girls about the Weedle on the Needle and then we used our Groupon at Honey Bears. Love family time and family dates made cheaper through Groupon. And Honey Bears is the one restaurant we can take our girls to that they behave - Leta and Annie love the french fries which seems to act as a calming aid and they will actually sit for more than 2 minutes. (I think I made it sound like we go out to eat a lot. We don't. We've only been to Honey Bears about 3 times in our kid to restaurant career, but each time, the girls have done great.)

Leta nests...and nests...and nests...and loves her tiger mask

How many children do you spy? That laundry basket that Leta is in was my grandmothers. Many a children have hid in there.

Leta loves sitting in this hamper. And can you spy my new slippers? I used my vinyl cutting money to purchase these when I went Black Friday shopping. I may or may not live in these and these may or may not be my favorite shoes to wear in public too. Hey, they are shoe-like enough and they are keeping my feet nice and warm this winter. And a comfy Kathryn equals a happy Kathryn.

pop goes the weezle

We participated in Small Business Saturday. Thanks to American Express, this family lunch date only cost us $5.

Leta and Annie got to go to work with Ryan. They traveled to Tucson with him to inspect some land. I got 5 hours of no kid time. I made me a huge list of everything I wanted to get done. I think I finished only one thing completely. (I was feeling quite spoiled - a date night and a kidless morning all in the same month.)

Leta is like her daddy and doesn't like to wear jackets. Annie is like her mommy and freezes. (Lucy and Elsa are the same way - Lucy would wear shorts every day if I let her. Elsa gets too chilled just drinking something with ice in it.)

I love a husband who volunteers and enjoys taking kids to work with him when the opportunity arises.

Sometimes I bust up laughing at the outfits I put together for my littles. We go for comfort (and of course, whatever is clean.)

And sometimes they like to dress themselves and I realize, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

We went to Ryan's cousin's house for brunch...and some princess time. I supplied 5 of the princesses, Amy supplied the fabulous breakfast food and the fun dress-up.

Annie likes to savor her chocolate which means it gets licked until it's gone, or at least until she has a little guido mustache. Who is the mom who didn't do this child's hair?

Not pictured:

- The time Annie walked around for about 5 minutes in ONLY snowboots.

- The time my pops picked up Lucy and Elsa for a fun fishing afternoon (and more Happy Meals).

- The time Leta and Annie made a "crib" out of my shallow tubs for Christmas decorations. They barely fit in them, but they enjoyed climbing in and letting their twin put on the lid and lock the lid in place. Needless to say, those tubs are put away so that no children suffocate. If you wonder how accidents happen - there might be a good chance twins were involved. After all, one of my sister's boys climbed in a microwave and his twin shut the door....

Good Friday

2011-12-11T21:04:00.001-07:00

This day, Friday, December 2nd, was one of those days that made me exclaim, "Holy Cow - these are the golden years." So I decided to document it - Kathryn style. (Long and detailed.) Here was the day's highlights:

Lucy coming in that morning in just her pink leggings and a purple shirt - expecting to only wear that to school. "Mom, this was all I could find." Guess I needed to do laundry. We added a skirt and called it good.

Snuggling with Leta and Annie on the floor of our living room and watching Sesame Street. Annie finally stopped her morning cry because she wanted me to "tickle" her back. (Really, it's scratch, but she calls it tickle.) Such a Melzer.

Ryan and I found out how much in unclaimed money we had. Months ago we saw on the state website that we had unclaimed money. At first I was worried they were just doing it to find where I was to give me an 8 year old red light camera ticket, but we finally filled out the paper work and it was legit. We had unclaimed money. I called them to see how much it was on this Friday. The lady kindly told me, "$7.13 from unpaid payroll." I know, ungrateful me thought, "Ah crap, I was at least hoping for $20." And then I had to laugh because $7.13 was probably a whole week's worth of pay when I was a teacher's aid. Okay, that may partly be an exaggeration, but many of my jobs only paid me minimum wage - guess that's what you get for choosing to work with kids (and minimum wage was $5 and $6 back then.) But, I then thought to ask the lady on the phone, "but, I think we had two unclaimed funds." So she transferred me to our case worker and I found out we are getting a few hundred dollars back from unclaimed funds when we sold our old house. Sweet! It kinda made up for the low December pay - kinda. I guess it just lessens to blow. But, I'll take it!

Going to Katie's house and eating her Mini Wheats for breakfast. I love Mini Wheats and I'm thankful for sisters close by that have food when I haven't gotten out to the grocery store in too long for easy breakfasts on lazy mornings. Katie also made me stir fry for lunch. You can all be jealous that you don't have a Katie.

Elsa coming home from school with bright red lips. She bought some lipstick samples at the holiday house at school.

Leta and Annie taking a nap!

Lucy and Elsa's drawings.

The girls eagerly awaiting the arrival of grandma Melzer. All the girls were picked up by grandma Melzer and got to enjoy a date to McDonald's. Then the older girls got the spend the night. My girls LOVE spending the night at their grandma's. They would have packed a week in advance if I let them. They were so stinkin' excited. The girls all got Happy Meals and grandma and grandpa time. Seriously, a million dollars wouldn't make them happier. (I count my blessings everyday for 2 sets of grandparents and a great grandma who do things for my girls.)

Waiting...

No girls, which equaled a very welcomed date night for Ryan and I. Date nights don't happen very often around here. It was one of those nights where all the stars lined up and the choirs of angels sang.

Gift card to California Pizza Kitchen = Free date night. Whoot whoot.

Finding the perfect "free" coat at Ross. Several months ago I had purchased some shoes at Ross, but decided I didn't need them. However, I made my return too late so they only gave me store credit. At the time I was ticked because I didn't want to spend that money. Fast forward to this month when our money tree didn't grow enough for a winter jacket budget. I decided that since I never get out to go shopping, I better use this chance to use up my store credit before Ross does something quirky and clears my credit from their system. Also, I have been looking for the last 10 years for a Pea Coat, but have never found one in my budget and that fit right. Lo and behold, Ross had one that was perfect so I used part of my credit and did a happy dance because I wasn't spending any extra money. I'm chalking this up to major tender mercy. It may feel silly to say an article of clothing was a tender mercy, but it was. (And my pea coat is made out of recycled material, so that either means it is awesome or it will fall apart in a year or so. And the dark color reminds me that I shed like a cat. But, either way, I'm so thrilled to finally, after 10 years of searching, have a warm coat I feel cute in. Hence, the cue of the choirs of angels because Ryan actually agreed to go shopping with me and I found my dream coat.)

Going to pick up Leta and Annie after our date and seeing Leta so relaxed on her grandpa Melzer's lap. She is a grandpa's girl.

Seeing grandma and grandpa's new flooring. I'm so excited for them. This remodel was long overdue (like Helen thought she would get her new carpet before Ryan left on his mission over a decade ago, but life got in the way...)

Hearing Annie read "No David." She has is memorized. It's so cute listening to her say, "Stop that this instant!" or "That's enough David." Lucy and Elsa had "David Goes to School" memorized at her age. I don't think I got them on video, hopefully I can get Annie.

Watching Leta try to pin Hobbes to her crib mattress and her telling me, "Mom, shut the door." She really wanted that cat to sleep with her for the evening.

Having to tent Leta and Annie in by placing a blanket on top of their crib. They like to feel like they are hiding in their cribs so they request it.

Staying up late working and dreaming. Realizing how blessed I am and realizing how silly it is when I try to prove that I'm awesome and compare myself to others. Hence the quote on my blog header. I just need to enjoy the journey and stop dwelling on my failures. Simplify, work at a pace comfortable to me and have joy.

This day was chalk full of too many blessings to overlook the joy.

The Reason for the Season

2011-12-11T15:15:00.001-07:00

Last week in church I thought I might get up and bare my testimony. Usually I have 4 good excuses to not go in front of people to blubber and cry and pour my heart out, but the older ones were sitting with their church grandma, and Ryan took the younger ones out for being loud. But right before I could get up, Ryan came back in with the youngers who had quieted themselves down. But, their sweetness lasted about 2 seconds. So, Ryan and I both ended up in the halls with screaming and active children. So much for that thought.

Church is wonderful. Sure, my kids are loud and Annie likes to scream, "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!" but, watching the girls play with Ryan's tie, or hearing the hymns of praise as my olders color pictures, or having Lucy and Elsa make a comment about what they are learning...seriously, if you don't go to church, you are missing out. It makes all the crazy worth it.

Our current favorites of the season:

Annie's favorite: singing songs - she has an excellent song memory

Leta's favorite: her tiger mask and elephants

We had an incident yesterday where we tried to get her off this elephant statue to go into the museum. Let's just say there was screaming and whaling and gnashing of teeth.

Could someone please just gift Leta this elephant statue?

We finally made it to the museum - thankfully. Seeing Santa there helped lessen the blow that Leta had to leave her beloved elephant behind.

Elsa and Lucy's favorite: paper, writing on said paper and stashing said paper in any purse, wallet or bag they can find. I am constantly throwing out (recycling for all earth friendly people) paper. But, for some reason, there seems to always be more.

All girls' favorites: Making "spots" "nests" or "cribs"

Lucy took a nap like this:

(Lucy and Elsa don't normally take naps, but they were cranks, so we made them go lay down - they dozed off which resulted in much happier children)

My favorite: Finally doing some simple Christmas traditions that are working.

CHRISTmas - making Christ the center of the season. I often think, "Oh, when I have more time..." I can do all those fun things. But, I have come to understand that if I don't stress, there really are some simple things I can do with little to no money and in a small amount of time that make all the difference:

- The Spirit of Christmas Bowl: I typed up some strips of paper with a gift the girls can give each day. Each day they pick out one strip of paper and do that thing on their own time and will. Some examples are,

"Pray for those who are sad or lonely"

"Give the gift of a smile"

"Give the gift of a hug"

"Be extra happy with what you are given - don't complain about what you don't have"

"Give the gift of laughter"

"Do a service for someone without them knowing"

"Write someone a note" ect.

Today Lucy noted that the speaker in church said to be happy with what we are given. "Mom, that was my job today!" she exclaimed. Then after church, Elsa snuck into our room and made our bed to do her secret service. I love that they get excited to give these kinds of gifts. And it is teaching them to do things without constant reminders.

- Advent Calendar: This one gets better each year. I finally got all my envelopes numbered and made. I got the Christmas ABC scriptures from the friend and added a fun thing to do each day. We got a little behind, so although we aren't perfect with it, it helps me make sure I'm doing something fun and festive and family centered with the girls each day (or almost every day).

- A Child's Nativity: We have the Little People nativity thanks to my mom, but I have the strong opinion that there needs to be at least one nativity that can be man handled by the children in the family. Not thinking, I got out my good nativity and left the Little People one in the garage for a few days until I had time to get out the rest of the decorations. Needless to say, a wiseman lost his hands in the battle.

- FHE: Thanks to Pinterest and Google, there are some great family home evening lessons I found already prepared for the season. These are two that I plan to do this month: symbols of Christmas and Jesus and Santa.

- Songs of Christ: We are trying to learn some songs (which requires me to just start singing at random times throughout the day). But, we are doing better this year with listening to Christmas music too.

Merry Christmas!

Here is my advent calendar if anyone wants to just copy and paste:

1: Angels (Luke 2:1–9)make paper chain countdown till Christmas

2: Bethlehem (Luke 2:10–15) put up nativities – talk about Christmas story

3: Christ (2 Nephi 25:23, 26)write a letter to Santa and to Jesus

4: Deeds (1 John 3:18, 23–24) make paper snowflakes for decorations

5: Everlasting (John 3:16–17)put up Christmas village

6: Family (Luke 2:16–17) – Decorate tree, go get free Bahama Bucks

7: Gold (Matthew 2:1–11) Zoo lights

8: Herod (Matthew 2:12–16) make Christmas ornaments

9: Israel (Matthew 2:19–21) go downtown to see our wreaths and to 2nd Friday

10: Joseph (Matthew 1:19–24) go see Santa at Bass Pro

11: King (D&C 128:23) make Christmas cards for our friends and family

12: Lord (D&C 19:1; Isaiah 26:4) look at old Christmas pictures

13: Mary (Luke 1:27–38, 46–48) go to the Temple lights

14: Nazareth (Matthew 2:22–23) paint toenails and nails festive

15: Obedient (John 8:29; Hebrews 5:8–9) Go to the Library and check out Christmas books

16: Peace (Luke 2:14; Isaiah 9:6) Dance to Christmas Music

17: Quickly (D&C 49:28) bake Christmas goodies and take to some neighbors

18: Redeemer (Job 19:25; Mormon 9:11–13) act out the Nativity in Luke 2

19: Steadfastness (2 Nephi 26:8; 31:20) go for a drive and look at Christmas lights, have hot chocolate by the fire

20: Teach (Matthew 28:18–20) play musical chairs with Christmas music

21: Unshaken faith (2 Nephi 31:19) watch a Christmas movie with popcorn

22: Voice (Alma 5:38; Helaman 12:23)Play don’t eat Rudolph in pajamas

23: Willing (Mosiah 26:17–18) Go caroling

24: Young (D&C 43:20) Girls dress up fancy for a “fancy” home dinner

25: Zion (1 Nephi 13:37)- Merry Christmas! Enjoy your gifts and the spirit of Christmas.

yada yada yada

2011-11-29T22:21:00.001-07:00

Today I had Lucy asking me all afternoon and evening if I had eyes in the back of my head.

"Yep," I told her.

So she proceeded to ask, "Mom can you see me?" as she stood behind me.

"Yep."

"Can you see the curtains?"

"Yep."

"What am I doing now?" as there are sounds of jumping on the bed.

"Jumping on the bed."

She's a believer.

___________

Leta went to tithing settlement tonight with her tiger mask on - yes, we are that family. She's only 2, and a small 2 at that. I'll put my foot down when it isn't cute anymore.

________________

Annie had to have socks under her footie pajamas. The thing is, Annie has issues with socks - they have to feel just right on her feet. There were quite a few adjustments tonight in the feet department. They stopped after I threatened to take off her socks if she didn't stop complaining.
______________

The older girls and I entered a recycled wreath making contest. Elsa wants to win so she can have more money than Lucy. Elsa asked, "Mom, do you think this is a winning wreath?" I went with honesty and told her I thought it still needed some work to be a winner. Hopefully I didn't burst her creativity. She added some more "snow" and now it looks pretty good. They did most of the work on their own, but I did have to give them some ideas and handle the hot glue. Hopefully that is okay. Wonder what the other wreaths look like. I told myself it wasn't about winning and I told the girls, "We are still winners if we did our best." But, it would be nice if my girls won a prize.

I hope my girls learn to be more creative. I am thankful I have a few creative bones in my body, but I fear there are times that I have tried to force them to be more creative. I need to train my mind to relax more when it comes to their creativity and not worry if they don't have a winning wreath.

Note to self: Have more open ended crafts.
______

I told Lucy and Elsa tonight that if they keep leaving their clean clothes all over the floor that I'm going to take away their cute clothes and buy them ugly uniforms to wear to school, "Ugly shirts and ugly pants." Hopefully they keep their clothes picked up because it was totally one of those threats that I don't intend to follow through on. I know, chalk one up to good parenting techniques.
________

4 kids isn't easy. Back to fighting for patience and kindness and spunk these days. Trying to smile more and let my girls hear me laugh. Oh how I love them, and try to be better for them, but this spunky mom thing sounds easier while they sleep.

Then they wake up. And it's a battle of whose going to win, nice mom versus mean mom. Nice super mom is trying to workout a little more. "Gladiators ready..." (Please tell me you used to watch American Gladiators when you were a kid.)

Part of my frustration is that I feel like a constant nag and it just brings my peppy momness down. I try not to be, but I think it stems from the fact that they are all still so young, there are 4 of them, there are bound to be constant reminders. "Don't touch Leta." "It's quiet time now." "Don't touch Leta." "Clean up." "How about you move a little faster while cleaning up." "Don't touch Leta." "Don't lay on the cat." "Eat please."

Leta and Annie didn't nap today. They climbed out of their cribs and were playing in their closet. They didn't destroy anything so I left them to their sneakiness. Leta was actually happier post no nap playtime in room than she was yesterday post nap.

Elsa has been sassy pants lately and has been more argumentative. I tell her, "Don't argue with mom." But, in my mind I'm thinking, "Well, what if I am doing something wrong? I want her to question if I'm doing it right." Maybe I should change my phrasing to, "Make sure you are showing respect."

I keep getting rid of junk but my house keeps getting messy. I'm ready to do what Ryan wanted to do years ago - get rid of everything but the couches. (Well, he would keep the T.V.)

Trying to simplify again. I think I try every other week. Stress is for the birds and doesn't get anything done. And the silly thing is, the things I stress over at times I know they don't matter.

Though it is quite stressful having 4 cute daughters whine and cry for something all at the same time. That happens frequently. I just have to remind myself, there are 4 of them and they are still so young. Everything is going to seem multiplied. Not to mention I haven't really built in any mom breaks lately.

Love love love our decision to put Lucy and Elsa in half day kindergarten, but there are those moments that I'm thinking it sure would be easier to have them in full day.

I'm pretty sure I can't go 2 minutes without someone asking me something, being touched, poked, hair pulled or cried at. (I only say 2 minutes because most of the time it is 10 seconds, but in the afternoons when Leta and Annie are "napping" I often have Lucy and Elsa read books or have "quiet" time for a bit. "Quiet" is in quotes to indicate it isn't often quiet. And then in the evenings I do get my alone time. So 2 minutes would be the average.)

But that also means I have plenty of opportunities to tackle Leta and give her zerberts on her neck. Or pinch Annie's little bums that are trying to be potty trained. Or listen to Lucy and Elsa read books or compliment them on their drawings. Or lay in my bed as I try to read books to all 4 wiggly little girls nestled around me.

I wish we could be one of those families that could just all nap together.

This isn't a "I don't like my life post" as some may interpret it. Oh, I LOVE my life. I love my daughters. I wouldn't change anything (besides my ability to stay calm in the face of chaos.) But, this is the reality of having 4 kids in 3 years. Such a huge blessing, but also, the workout of my life. I love the journey. Learning and growing is part of the fun, but yes, painful at times. Don't you remember leg aches during your teenage years?

Being the mom is awesome. It's fun being the one making the decisions, being in the lead. But, I must say it also makes me want to curl up in a ball at times.

Speaking of curling up...it's off to bed, cause these 4 eyes of mine need to get some shut eye so my girls can hear me laugh more than the 3 times they heard today. They should see my smile and hear my laughter quite often, not once in a while.

Bedtime

2011-11-16T21:35:00.001-07:00

Bedtime at our home has become quite the ordeal. Leta and Annie have become very particular. First it starts with time laying and reading on mom and dad's bed while they drink their sippy cups. Then we brush teeth, take Annie potty a few times, and get dressed for bed. Then we read some more, say prayers and read one last story. The brushing teeth part is usually done with MAJOR drama.

Finally we get the girls into their room.

Once in their room, often Annie will have to go potty again. Then we figure out who gets what stuffed animals. Leta always gets the elephant. Annie always gets the snake. The Carebear and dog that looks like Lady and Clifford that we stole from Aunt Katie get shuffled around. They also must have a good stock pile of blankets. I only let them sleep with extras in their crib because now that they are nearly 2 and 1/2, I'm not worried about them suffocating in the night (at least not worried as much as I used to.)

They used to sleep with books but they destroyed too many.

Then I go and put water in their sippy cups for them to sleep with. And it can't be warm, must be cold.

Then we have to turn on soft music and put it on repeat mode.

Then the nightlight.

Then the fan.

Then the touch-lamp at one touch.

Then the finale is that we bring Hobbes in to say goodnight to the girls. They each get a minute or so to squeeze him, snuggle him, hug time, kiss him and tell him goodnight. He just lays there and goes to his mental happy spot.

And for some reason, he hasn't run away yet. He must like us despite the torture.

After the whole process, then Leta and Annie usually talk to each other for upwards of about a 1/2 hour before finally letting themselves fall asleep.

And sometimes Annie and Leta have to go potty again after all is said and done.

We repeat this process every evening and every afternoon for naptime.

It's work, but I'm so thankful they sleep.

Cause when they finally sleep, I have a chance to sit for a bit. Sometimes.

We're Moving - to the top of a mountain.

2011-11-13T20:48:00.001-07:00

No, we aren't, although two people from church asked me if we were moving. Kinda made me wonder what people are saying about the Melzers...duh duh duh...

This past week I wanted to move to the top of a mountain and not deal with anyone anymore.

But, if I say that, people think I don't like them. People think I'm a people hater. Oh, I like people. I was just experiencing some anger this week.

Maybe it was the giant crater of cancer sores on my tongue that gave me headaches and made me slur my speech and drool that made me a tad more irritable.

A big part of it was hearing about men who are jerks and bail on their wife and kids. Lame fathers drive me crazy and ruin the world. Quit being selfish people.

Another big part of it was the political climate this last week. I have opinions. Yes, I do. Sometimes I debate them, but I don't know why. I'm not sure I've changed anybody's opinion yet. I think people just like to debate because they like the adrenaline. Adrenaline makes people happy for a moment.

I think the thing that frustrated me the most with politics this last week was learning once again how divided we are as a people. As a person who loves Mesa for the basic reason of it's important to love your community no matter what, it was hard watching all the fighting - like what I assume it would be like as a grandma to watch my grown children fight and bicker (sorry mom). I love thinking that everyone loves everyone and we should just go have a happy carnival and eat popcorn and cotton candy together. But I know reality is that 50% of people would say that the cotton candy was going to kill you.

Yes, politics drove me crazy this week. But I can see how it becomes personal and frustrating. I think I'm a good person, loving, compassionate, strong in my religion, trying to base my political opinion on what I think the good Christian thing to do is. And then to watch someone else with the same qualifications as me, good, loving, compassionate, trying to make the good Christian choice, choose a different political point of view. How can that be? Who is right? Let's duke it out to see who the better Christian is seemed to be the answer this last week.

Hence the frustration and can I just move to the top of a mountain and not deal with this anymore?

This last week, Michelle Duggar (the mom who has 19 children and a t.v. show) just announced she will be having number 20. People are ticked.

I don't really know why. All of her kids are smart, hard workers, self sufficient. Her family is debt free, they are taught gospel truths since infancy. You can see there is a tremendous amount of love in that family. Do I agree with everything they do, no, but they are good people.

And yet, the whole world wants to weigh in on their opinion of how Michelle Duggar should raise her children.

It just goes to show, no matter how good your kids may be, how wonderful your end product, someone is always going to say you are doing it wrong.

You can't please everyone I guess. Dang it. I was trying so hard to.

Maybe I won't move to the top of a mountain, but maybe I just need to focus more on:

Friday night drives to South Mountain to freeze your booty off in the cold windy dust storm.

Or more days of dressing up like huge Tweetie Birds.

And days of selling lemon-aid

Yes, I should focus on how fun it is to fight with the right gear instead of fighting with words:

And the awesomeness of sneaking in to see my girl laying in her "crib" reading a book. (Leta likes to nest in make shift "cribs" as she calls them - so much like her older sister Lucy. No, this is not her actual crib.)

Or just sitting back to ignore the world and focus on the fact that my family is so special to me and that I am amazed our cat puts up with us.

"Look mom, we made a house for Hobbes and he loves it. We even give him stuffed animals."

Poke.

Looking forward to a new week. Week goal: go to bed by 10 - wake up at 6 and put first things first.

Veteran's Day Weekend

2011-11-12T15:14:00.001-07:00

Busy few days. Nice to have freedom so we can enjoy our busy days. Thank you soldiers!

Friday:
- Ryan left for a scout backpacking trip
- Primary program practice - I headed up nursery efforts since my 2 two year olds would make up about 1/3 of the kids needing to be watched.
- Lucy and Elsa were invited to a friend's birthday party down at our park. They were very much excited to get to go. Friends and getting invited places are starting to have a bigger impact on these little girls.
- Lucy and Elsa got to bring their friend Courtney home to play for the afternoon. I love watching them with friends.
- Lucy and Elsa spent at least an hour working on craft crowns from the $ store. A dollar well spent. Well, it was their Halloween dollar. Thanks grandma.
- Hot water heater got fixed for the 2nd and 3rd time. We finally have hot water again. I didn't take too many showers this week.
- Cleaned bathrooms and made the house look less of a mess.
- Outdoor movie night at aunt Katie's. My dad has been planning this for a while and it didn't disappoint. Nachos, popcorn, pizza and candy. Plus, cousins from Safford came for the weekend. Dominic turned 15 on 11-11-11.
- Finally everyone in bed.
- Clean - wash running clothes. Lay everything out.
- Bed at 1:00 AM

Saturday:
-Wake up at 6:00 AM and let Hobbes out.
- Officially wake up at 7:20 AM.
- Get ready.
- Get Lucy and Elsa ready.
- Get Leta and Annie ready.
- Head to our Shun the Sun race at 8:30 AM. (I may have chickened out of running the 5k again, but I signed us all up for the family fun run. We will definitely do this again.)
- Tried to find a way to get the double stroller on to the field - not possible from the front entrance.
- Tried to go to the bathroom with Leta and Annie in the double stroller. We didn't fit in the handicapped bathroom. I even stood on the toilet to try to shut the door. It wouldn't. All I accomplished was that I left shoe prints on the toilet seat and looked like a lunatic.
- Ran our race. Elsa fell once, worked through the sadness of scraping her knee and didn't give up. Lucy just may have a future in track and field and ran the whole time, even coming back to see how Elsa was doing after the fall (I've always thought Lucy would make a good long jumper, now I may add runner to the list too). It was about a mile and just perfect. Lucy and Elsa felt good about their accomplishment. They were a little bummed that they didn't win and get a medal. They only gave medals to those that finished the longer races. I asked. They did beat some people, including mom. Mom maybe shouldn't have eaten so much nacho cheese last night.
- Played at the expo after the race with Clara.
- Went to grandma and grandpa Papa's to talk about the fun time they had at the race.
- Played with cousins.
- Came home to an at home Dad.
- Blogged.

-------
The "Run"

Melzer Runners

Penrod Runners - Happy Birthday Anna

Buckner Runners

Of course we had to get our faces painted.

Little cousins

Maybe the jog back to the car with 4 aboard this time was a good workout too.

Faces painted, cotton candy and popcorn consumed for free. Free cookies decorated and eaten, free loot, free craft made, free Jamba Juice, oranges, rolls, bananas, granola bars, and water. Free bounce house time that often did not have to be shared with other kids. I love me some carnival time. Especially when I'm not paying for every little thing.

(Well, I did pay $11.50 each for Lucy and Elsa and I to sign up for the race and get a running number, shirt and bag.)

But, the girls loved the morning. Exercise and racing is more exciting to them now. And it may have only been a mile or so, but I'm pretty stoked about our new family hobby. Besides, jogging with my kids is way less boring than going by myself.

And thank goodness for jogging strollers that I didn't have to pay for, even if the alignment is off, it has no buckles, it is severely sun faded and I almost took out about 10 other fun runners trying to move it through the crowd. Sorry people.

A Fly on the Wall

2011-11-09T00:18:00.000-07:00

Some days I do wonder what other homes look like. How do moms get things done? I feel like Leta and Annie are still in the stage where they very much want me to be right by their side. If they want to watch "Abby's Flying Fairy School," it is with me holding them. They like to play with me. They go where I go. I admit my parenting style is one that causes my children to be less independent than some. We live an intermingled life, my kids aren't off doing their thing while I'm off doing mine. We are in the thick of this, together. I'm okay with that. I just might not get to all the other things in life right now.

Here is 12 minutes of our life condensed into 8 seconds. Ryan set up the camera without me knowing. We are finishing up dinner and doing homework. We wiggle, a lot.

Dear Angela: These Are For You (I may have had to bribe them with candy)

2011-11-08T15:28:00.002-07:00

Lucy and Elsa are reading their take home books to each other right now. Leta and Annie have finally drifted off for a nap (nap-time is a process now) and I sat down to post the fun motherhood moments of this morning. I love being a stay-at-home mom. I was built for it. I literally stay-at-home. Leaving my children for any period of time is what gives me anxiety.

I hope these pictures make you happy.

Getting Pruney

2011-11-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

Last night I was the fun mom.

We had spent all afternoon playing at grandma and grandpa Papa's. Then we ate dinner at the park. But Lucy and Elsa still wondered what fun we were going to have once we got home.

I may have scolded them a tad and told them to be happy with the fun we already had, but then I remembered....

Ryan took Lucy and Elsa on one last backpacking trip last weekend, fitting the trip in before it gets too cold. While gone, I went to Wally World with Leta and Annie. I may have wandered off my course a little with my extra freedom and made a few extra purchases (like the jalepeno poppers mentioned yesterday) and these submersible lights.

They are $5 for a two pack. They are clearish balls that change light colors when you click the button. They are located in the floral section, but you may want to test to see if they work first. One pack had a dud in it. Yes, I was that lady in the isle who already opened the package (don't worry, these were packaged in a way you could open them, test them, and then put everything back to normal without any visual evidence of the test.)

I saw the idea on Pinterest. Some have done it with glow-sticks, but these are reusable, made for many a long fun bath times.

I'm pretty sure we are going to get extra pruney now.

Leta just might not know what to do with her hands (she screams a little when she notices they are wrinkly.)

Buck Up Little Camper

2011-11-02T08:59:00.000-07:00

It's 8:30 in the morning. Lucy and Elsa have been off to school for about a 1/2 hour now. I just got a shower since one didn't happen yesterday, I'm sitting here in my $1 muumuu from Goodwill typing this post because surprisingly Leta and Annie are still asleep. Of course I'm worried that they died in their sleep. Consciously I know they didn't. Subconsciousness, "do you really Kathryn?" However, yesterday I went and woke them up when my fear got the best of me. I'm thinking they are just going through a sleeping phase. Well, Annie is going through a sleeping phase, which allows excellent sleeper Leta to finally sleep more.

I washed my hair twice in the shower today because I couldn't remember from the two seconds previous if I had washed it or not.

Around the first of the month I think a LOT. Merely because a month has ended, so I go over how we did on our budget, then it's Payday so I see what we have to work with for the month (it's always a surprise), and I figure out what I need to do for the coming month.

Usually I'm overwhelmed for about 2 days. Overwhelmed = grumpy too. I know, where did my good attitude go? I was on such a roll.

Now, my days are filled with stressful thoughts. Often irrational. Or are they? (see I told you...)

I've got to water the trees.

Paint is peeling on our garage trim.

The pool is green again.

The backyard is embarrassing.

The house threw up.

Would Ryan notice if I went crazy and moved preschool stuff into the office, our table and chairs into the 'preschool' room and left a big area in out kitchen with nothing in it, just so I will not bump into the chairs one more time.

Our carpets need cleaning.

I should buckle down and potty train Leta and Annie. My halfsy job isn't working for Annie anymore.

Why did I buy those jallepeno poppers for $6 at Walmart? We could have totally paid off all of our debt by now if I could just not buy stupid stuff. (not really, but I did think it.)

I spent $38 at Lutheran thrift this month. Did I really need to?

Why why why is it so hard to make an extra buck and so so so easy to spend it in an hour?

Should I give away half of everything we own to DI? I hate that my house falls apart so easily.

How do other moms do it?

I need to write an article - no maybe 3.

I need to read more with Lucy and Elsa. I need to have everyday be wonderful and filled with learning experiences. How are they going to be geniuses if mom doesn't sit down and teach them awesome lessons everyday.

Running....yeah, not so much.

Would Ryan gag if I wore a muumuu everyday?

Why can't I just be lazy?

Why am I complaining, I have an "office," I have a "preschool" room?

Am I a brat?

And then, like every month, the thought comes, "quit being a baby and get to work."

I've got much to be thankful for. I've got a lot of work to do. I've got palm trees to rip out, things to give to DI, articles to write, and babies to get out of their crib. (and I'll call them babies until it pains me)

Just as I thought (or at least tried to tell myself), they are alive and ready for mom now. And my self-loathing is pretty brat-ish.

Time to buck up again.

"Just hum your favorite hymn, sing out with vigor and vim, and you will find, it clears you mind, hum your favorite hymn."

Pixies and Gnomes - the Halloween Novela

2011-11-01T23:27:00.000-07:00

I love Halloween. Ryan hates it. (Okay, probably not hate since I saw him smile quite a few times at how darling his girls looked, but he hates that people think it is a reason to act stupid. And I guess while we are on the subject, I hate that many teenage girls and women think it is a reason to dress undeniably immodest). Moving on...

As you know, I have a little disease called, "I like people to compliment my children." So every year come Halloween time, I am busy making and creating. My children don't always have their hair done or are dressed in the cutest outfits the other 364 days of the year, so Halloween is my time to shine.

This year Lucy and Elsa had a hard time deciding costumes. They finally decided that Elsa would be a queen like her cousin Mallory and Lucy would be a unicorn. Well, a few weeks ago Karyn called, Mallory was buying a pixie fairy costume from K-Mart and Karyn wanted me to tell my girls, especially Elsa since she choose to be a queen based on Mallory. I explained the situations and right away my girls knew they HAD to be pixie fairies like Mallory, same color, same everything. Of course, my insides wanted to scream nooooo, I had never done a store bought costume for them, I never had store bought costumes when I was a kid either (I was always a punk-rocker or a princess fairy, until I got older and more creative...two headed monster, dead lady (I liked doing the gory make-up), Super Woman, alien, 1970's Carson cheerleader...).

I realized I just needed to let them be what they wanted to be. If I forced them to be "individuals" all I was forcing was my idea of individualism. They made the choice and store-bought, matching, is what we did. And I'm glad. They felt so darn cute and they loved matching with Mals. (Of course, I did add my own touch - extra ribbon, custom tailoring, adding yellow glitter to the wings...I told you, it's a disease.)

Leta and Annie are still at the age that they are whatever my crazy little mind thinks of - this year: Garden Gnomes. Thank goodness I can just type in "Garden Gnome hat tutorial" in Google and wallah, instant tutorial from someone's blog so I don't have to do trial and error. Such a time saver - made up for all the time I drool over Halloween inspiration on the internet. And it was nice because several of the details on their costumes were things I already had on hand in my stash.

On Saturday we had our annual Papa/Rowley party. As always, a great time. I love my cousins. And, it is fun as you get older, the age difference you had with some of your cousins while growing up, seems to fade.

It was no surprise that Lucy's costume was about 10 times dirtier and worn out.

Leta looves dogs. She even got to ride this one for a bit.

And Leta loves cotton candy. I was the cotton candy maker again and Leta loved that her mom kept her well supplied. Ryan rolled his eyes every time she came back with a new puff.

Monday morning was Lucy and Elsa' first Halloween Parade at school. Oh they felt awesome. They told me about all the kids that gave them hi-5's, the baby they gave a hi-5 to, all the claps and cheers. I love it when my girls feel special. Afterwards I stayed and helped in their classroom for their school party. First time for me being a mom helper. It was cute watching them at school and meeting all the kids in their class.

It was a warm sunshiny parade.

I didn't know whether to be happy with myself that Leta and Annie were actually dressed and put together in time for the parade, or to be a little sad that once the outfits came together, they kind of looked like little brats. It's like I turned my sweet girls into sassy ones with the added touch of a miniskirt and boots.

Monday night, Halloween. I would like to say that since I love Halloween so much, I'm just a bucket of sunshine and cheer come time to get ready. Nope. I don't know what it is, but I loose my patience very easily while getting all 4 girls dressed, hair done and ready all by myself. Ryan had to go help with the ward Halloween carnival, otherwise he would have been there. After taking an hour and a half to get ready (yah, totally thought I could get it done in 45), some tears, spilt cereal, two year old fights and mom frustration, we took our quick pictures, I said my apologies and we were off to candy and to see Ryan. The night got much better once we were actually out the door.

The girls had fun at the carnival. I finally let Lucy and Elsa wander to the games all by themselves (of course while watching them from afar). And Leta and Annie took about 2 seconds to cover their cute faces in a pound of sugar.

At the ward carnival, they have a little "trunk or treat" minus the trunks. However, I was in such a hurry to finally get our late 5 little bodies out the door that I forgot all of our candy at home. Ryan was running a booth all night, so between feeding the girls dinner at the party (I was a sight with my plate of 6 hot dogs, chips and cornbread stuffed on the sides and my other hand full of as many cups of lemonade as I could carry - trying to lead a slow gnome back to pasture) and supervising the fun, there wasn't really any chance I had to leave the girls and run home and grab it. I felt bad that we participated in the trunk or treat with the taking, but not the giving, but then I justified it by telling myself, "Ryan ran a booth all night long." I may not have given candy, but I gave a husband for over 2 hours when it would have been nice to have his help. Besides, since one of us wasn't sitting and giving out candy, it was nice that we each could take a two year around to the people in our ward to gather candy.

I always want to be the fun mom that dresses up, but I'm a little nervous to do anything big, not to mention big doesn't work with 2 two year olds. I spent about an hour trying to figure out, "simple mom costume" "easy mom costume" "unique mom costume." Google and Pinterest were giving me nothing (at least nothing that I had on hand.) So then I went to my stash and found the orange hunting hats my dad had given us. I added vinyl facial features, a felt leaf and a real pumpkin stem. I'm pretty sure I might wear this every Halloween for the rest of my life.

You better believe the tips of my Papa ears are tucked nice and safe under this orange beauty.

One nice thing was that Ryan's booth was passing out suckers. Leta and Annie had a never ending supply.

After the ward party we headed to grandma and grandpa's and went to the famous Bro. Allen's (Lucy and Elsa were looking forward to his spooky porch) to trick-or-treat. Leta didn't like it at all.

Leta and Annie were so cute saying their meek trick-or-treat, thank yous and Happy Halloweens all night, and quickly caught onto the idea. However, after awhile, they just wanted to sit and enjoy their bounty.

Elsa, Lucy and Clara trick-or-treating at Grandma and Grandpa Melzer's.

Ryan told Lucy and Elsa a scary story before bed. Lucy loves scary stories. Maybe next year we will take them to a little haunted house.

My girls are cute, they had fun and after a cleaning fest today, my floor no longer crunches when I walk on it.

And I am sooo thankful no one was sick like last year.

Laugh a Little

2011-10-30T16:45:00.002-07:00

Sometimes I probably seem a little irreverent at church.

I do remember a few times while growing up, doubled over laughing with my sister Karyn during Sacrament meeting. That probably wasn't too mature of us, considering I'm pretty sure we were both teenagers at the time.

But today, and many of the recent Sundays, I just couldn't help it - I laughed during church. At least now I've learned how to do a silent laugh, but I did almost laugh out loud during the sacrament, when everything was pin drop quiet. That would have been bad.

Lucy had a loose tooth* which frankly was frightening to her. (I think it was because it happened too fast - it wasn't a gradual process). While the sacrament was being passed she pulled it out the rest of the way. So here I am, holding a bloody itty bitty tooth, with Ryan and I sitting like bookends to a crazy mix of girls. Sandwiched in between us was a 5 year old who looked like she wanted to cry because she was so worried that her tooth fell out, a 2 year old who was screaming because she is high centered on the bench in front of us that she was "swinging" on (she hangs her belly on the top of the bench and lets her legs swing and says, "I swinging."), a few fishy crackers (well, in all honesty "whales", cause they are cheaper) smashed into the floor, another wiggly two year old and another five year old sister and all of her "art" scattered on the bench. We were a sight and I couldn't help but look down our crazy bench at Ryan as everyone else in the ward seemed to be sitting so quietly waiting for the sacrament to finish being passed and not nearly laugh out loud.

* So I noticed that Lucy's bottom tooth seemed a little more scraggly lately - like her mouth was getting more crowded and that little tooth was being bullied out of the way and turned to the side. I felt it yesterday and it wasn't wiggly. I didn't expect it to be since she is not even 5 1/2 yet. I thought we had another year or so before we enter the phase of loosing teeth.

Well, we were all on mine and Ryan's bed last night because that is Leta and Annie's favorite thing to do now, "Lay in mommy's bed!" They demand it. We lay there and read books and try to hold still and be quiet and listen to a few verses of scripture (we try to be righteous.) While hanging out on the bed, Lucy had bit down on Leta's blanket. Leta was not having that, screamed (of course, her favorite defense mechanism) and pulled the blanket from Lucy. Lucy then had this sad/pained look, "my tooth." Sure enough, we looked at her tiny bottom tooth and it had been pulled quite loose. I figured it would probably fall out, but in the case that not as much damage had been done as appeared, we told her not to touch it. Of course she worried that she would swallow it in the night.

Telling her not to touch it didn't work seeing as how she pulled it out during church.

I think all of our comforts are finally paying off. Reminding her that kids think its cool to loose teeth, that Mallory has lost teeth, and....that the tooth fairy will give her money! seem to make her a little less nervous now. She likes showing people and she plans to make her big announcement at the Melzer dinner tonight.

She was busy drawing the tooth fairy a picture of an elephant and was quizzing me if the tooth fairy would be scared of Hobbes or if Hobbes might eat the tooth fairy. I assured her all would be well.

But, now, I'm the one that doesn't know about this loosing tooth business. It almost feels like they might as well be hitting puberty.

Looking down the isle at Ryan though, it is cute to see him beam with pride watching his beautiful daughters grow up and hit new milestones.

It may be a little irreverent, but I'm thankful I can laugh and that sometimes I almost can't contain it - I truly am happy.

In this view you see the missing tooth AND the whales that are stuck in her molars.

Still cute.

Holy Cow, my kids are beautiful

Oh, I'm proud of myself for making the girls these church skirts too. I did it last night as they were sleeping, so they are a tad big in the waist and a tad short on the length. I guess it evens out because since they are big in the waist, they sag a little, thus making up for my length mistake. Don't look closely as the hem or the detail, but it's nice to finally do something that has been on my to-do list for the last five years.

Hooray for thrift store fabric and online tutorials. Seriously, the internet is amazing. Now I don't have to wing it as much.

Elsa spun herself sick.

(Online skirt tutorial from here.)

Running for Joy...Learning to

2011-10-25T22:38:00.000-07:00

So I think everyone knows I'm a Mormon now. Time to move forward.

I set a goal to run a 5K again. I stink at goals. Total procrastination of preparation. I've been trying to do indoor stuff, like drinking more water, eating less junk, jumping rope (not with a full bladder though) and running my halls or doing stretches and leg lifts. Leta and Annie just scream at me to stop the whole time. And obviously it wasn't working cause I went for a 'run' and only went about a mile. I think jogging is boring. I'm more of a sprint, walk, jog kind of gal. Maybe I should get someone to chase me, that might help. Or just let me play a game of soccer. I'm sure I could run a 5K in that situation.

But, this time I have a trendy little iPod. It's playing Enya. Music has power.

Enya reminds me of dating Ryan. I remember I had stolen (obviously borrowed) a CD from one of my sisters and basically listened to it over and over during those early days of dating Ryan. It reminds me of laying on my bed, in my 6' by 10' room (or something like that - Thomas' old room), and staring at the strand of white label stickers I had written Ryan's phone number on. Oh the butterflies. Should I call? Will he call? He called.

At 18 - me, dating Ryan. Not what I had planned. But, you don't run from a good thing. (And obviously I don't run.)

I think about my life, how it is evident God has a plan for me. Remember, this post. Often when I think of my blog, I think of this post. It didn't come from just me. Words were coming to my mind like they were meant to be.

When Sadie was born, I thought over and over about the song "My life is a gift, my life has a plan, my life has a purpose in Heaven it began...." Well, this year in Primary, the children learned that song and will sing it in the primary program. I cry every time. I feel so silly, but it is so beautiful.

Thankfully I'm not crying because I'm mad or angry, I just cry thinking about how little we know about how much our Heavenly Father loves us. How He lovingly crafted a plan for each of us, one that sometimes we don't comprehend. I cry thinking about the big picture. I cry thinking about my sister seeing her baby someday. She deserves every last piece of joy that will come at that time.

Our life is a gift. We do have a plan. It has a purpose. I think about how as women we open ourselves to much in our journey of motherhood. Possibilities and reality of infertility, the unknown. Loss, pain, sickness, worry, even soft mommy tummies. Why do we put ourselves out there at what would seem to others too great a risk. Because we know the joy of children. We know there is joy in the journey, not joy because it is easy.

I've been extremely thankful lately that I can feel that joy in the journey. Oh, I do remember times when I couldn't. Or times when there was a little, but not much.

But lately, it's been nice to feel an added measure of joy. I don't know what I changed or did, maybe my making an extra effort to have my own personal prayers in the morning, maybe eating a little better, maybe learning to handle stress better, but I'm thankful I've been a little more internally joyful lately. It really is true when they say (I don't know who, it's from those power songs) "It's your attitude that makes you!" Having a better attitude and allowing myself to feel joy really has made motherhood easier lately. Hopefully I can remember this when ruts come, cause they do come. Like building a metaphorical jeep out of life's lessons to power through the ruts.

Oh, the joy of it all. Even if they (and me) scream a little. Okay, they just might scream a lot.

You are looking at Joy. (Literally, this is Leta JOY)

I would have given much more for them.

You Know, I'm a Mormon

2011-10-16T22:15:00.000-07:00

So, you know, I'm a Mormon.

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

I created a profile about a year ago on Mormon.org. I just barely finished it a few months ago. Leave it up to me to draw out a quick to-do into over a year. You can read my profile here. I still worry about if I properly described myself. Why do you think I get so wordy on this blog? I'm worried I'm not going to give an honest appraisal of who I am.

It's no secret that there are more t.v. adds about Mormons, billboards, etc. Remember this meeting from over a year ago? The one that worried me because two sets of twins had turned me into a recluse? They asked me to come and view the new Mormon.org at this meeting. Basically I was reminded that people don't know that Mormons and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are the same thing and that we are indeed Christians.

But, it didn't take a meeting to tell me that. I've read things that people say about my religion. And I know I don't have thick skin, cause it does hurt when reading articles that people think I'm brainwashed, that I'm uneducated and can't think for myself, or that I belong to a cult, or here is one that gets me every time, that I hate people who aren't just like me or don't believe the same as me.

If they only knew me.

So that is why I created a profile. Maybe if more people knew actual Mormons (members of the LDS church) they would know that most of us are pretty decent people.

And yep, I believe in Jesus. The same person that lived and died and lives again for all of us, not just Mormons.

_________________

* I did have to laugh when I looked up what a cult was. If people think I'm part of a cult, I should know exactly what a cult is. One part talked about "mind control" and well, don't many families do this?

Here are the 5 traits of mind control from Wikipedia, my after thoughts are in blue:

- People are put in physical or emotionally distressing situations (okay, this one doesn't seem to fit the bill of a family - though Lucy and Elsa may say it is distressing when I make them clean up their messes.)
- Their problems are reduced to one simple explanation, which is repeatedly emphasized (How often as a mom do I say, "We are a family, we love each other" as Lucy and Elsa are duking it out.)
- They receive what seems to be unconditional love, acceptance, and attention from a charismatic leader or group (Um, hello, isn't that my job as a mom - unconditional love and acceptance? I'm still working on the charismatic part though.)
- They get a new identity based on the group (Well, you know I'm a fan of telling my girls often, "We are Melzers. We work hard." or "We are Melzers. We love one another." etc.)
- They are subject to entrapment (isolation from friends, relatives and the mainstream culture) and their access to information is severely controlled. (Alright, I still let my kids watch some t.v., but you better believe I'm not okay with my girls surfing the internet on their own or watching any show that they come across. Mainstream culture nowadays isn't really how I want my children to learn right from wrong.)

Obviously I know that "mind control" is more severe than my simple, "We are Melzers. We work hard" but I guess I am guilty of trying to provide a safe haven in my home away from the stress and crazies of the world. Oh dear, I'm brainwashing my children, alert the media :)

If You Want To Purchase an Ice-Cream Truck, Don't Listen to Me

2011-10-15T23:04:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I'm the best person to take financial advice from.

Sometimes I joke that I would rather buy my children an ice-cream cone from the ice-cream truck now and enjoy their sweet faces of childhood joy than save that money and have enough to buy them the actual ice-cream truck later in life when they are grown. Maybe this is an extreme example, but I would much rather make memories with my children than scrimp now in order to have the big bucks later.

Financially we are on a different road than we were a few years ago. Now it'll probably take us a few years to save up what we once could in a few months. Oh well, life goes on. I have a great life that is perfect for me. But whatever the financial circumstances, I still feel it is important to have quality family moments, including vacations, now during these precious years. It's good for all of us.

Obviously we still have to be wise (I do want some money to spend on my grandkids).

Thankfully there are many things we can do for free or cheap here in Mesa and the East Valley (hello, I'm the I Heart Mesa lady - it's my hobby to research ways to spend quality family time without breaking the bank) and Arizona is home to many wonderful adventures. Our girls love camping, backpacking, fishing, exploring Arizona...yes they still cost in gas and food and sometimes lodging, but we make it work.

Ryan and I know how blessed we are that we have been able to explore our state with our girls. We love thinking about all of our adventures. Maybe our girls won't remember many of them (at least I have pictures to jog their memories). But, I think these experiences help their minds to enlarge. I know they strengthen our family bond. And we plan to keep exploring and re-exploring as they grow. I'm sure it'll be a lot easier once Leta and Annie are past the scream in the car phase.

You may or may not agree with this, but I'm okay that our house won't get paid off in record speed but our girls will be able to say, "I saw lava rocks at Sunset Crater." "I played in an indoor Jacuzzi in Flagstaff." (This was our latest vacation - post soon to follow)

I get Ryan new shirts at the Lutheran Thrift Store's $1 days. I kept our thermostat at 82 degrees for most of the summer. I stopped getting my hair highlighted and stopped buying my favorite shampoo and conditioner. We canceled cable and lowered our internet speed. We changed insurance coverage. I've perfected my bean recipe. I taught Lucy and Elsa's preschool class - all in an attempt to save money and be more frugal.

But I just can't bring myself to be a total miser in the family vacations department. Hopefully my children understand when we don't have enough money to buy them an ice-cream truck for their wedding present.

* Ryan figured out long ago that if he wanted to do something extra, all he had to do was add a kid element into it. When he wanted to be a ski instructor, "Kathryn, just think of how cute I'll look skiing kids down a hill with a hula-hoop." If he wanted to go backpacking with his brother, "Kathryn, just think of all the awesome brotherly bonding." If he wants some new piece of technology, "Kathryn, this will be awesome for educational purposes for the girls." What can I say, I'm a sucker when it comes to the kids.

If You Survive, You'll Think They're Adorable

2011-10-11T22:49:00.000-07:00

Lucy and Elsa like me to tell people things. They are always begging me, "Mom, tell them...." anytime I am on the phone to someone, talking to someone, ect. For instance, Lucy learned how to ride a bike without training wheels on Saturday. On Sunday she asked if anyone was going to call me. I said, "No, why? Does someone need to call me?" Then she got shy and said in her timid voice that if someone calls could I please tell them that she learned how to ride her bike. I promised her I would tell everyone I saw and shout it from the rooftops (so that means tell family and blog about it.)

Today at the thrift stores $1 clothing day, Lucy and Elsa both wanted me to tell every elderly woman in the building that they were getting to go spend the night at their grandma Melzer's tonight. They get excited about things and think the whole world should know.

Lucy and Elsa were packed and ready to go spend the night tonight since early yesterday morning.

Leta and Annie were sad that they aren't old enough yet for spend the nights. They are old enough now to understand that they don't get to do everything their older sisters do. This is new territory for me - younger ones sad that they don't have the freedom of the older ones.

But, after we got Leta and Annie ready for bed tonight (including adding a diaper to the beloved stuffed elephant Leta got at the thrift store), they begged to lay in our bed for a bit.

Everyone should have twin 2 year olds. And if you survive it, you'll look back and say that was the cutest thing ever.

It is hilarious listening to 2 year oldsmimic each other. It's wonderful to have 2 snuggled next to you in bed. (Though I'm thankful that so far I've made it through 4 two years oldslearning body parts, including, "Mommy's eyes," as they point and jabat what they are talking about.)

Of course they couldn't hold perfectlystill while laying next to me, but they could hold still just enough to notloose the privileged of getting to stay up later and lay in mom anddad's bed. They know how to work the system. I love listening tothem sing their little songs, "ABC's" and "Happy Birthday ToYou" and "Twinkle Twinkle." They don't get all the words,but they get some.

When they are happy, life is peachy.

When they aren't happy...well, life is like a peach left out on the counter well past it's prime.

I am thankful that the past few days I have been able to slow myself down and enjoy the simple moments. Sometimes I feel like I can't hold still or else my body is going to crawl out of my skin (I blame it on the fact that there are days that my mom job demands that I not ever hold still), but I'm thankful for the days that I really do feel content just to lay with 2 wiggly toddlers or to snuggle 5 year olds as they fall asleep, or to sit and read books for as long as the children demand or to go outside for the millionth bike ride without thinking about the clock or worrying what I need to be doing next. Just letting life unfold as it wants to unfold.

Sunday Ramblings

2011-10-09T22:32:00.000-07:00

- We enjoyed conference last week. Lucy kept looking forward to it with such excitement, mostly because I let the girls pick out special treats. But hey, they were excited so that is what counts. The thing that hit me the most is the need to increase my ability to receive personal revelation. It's the key. Whatever we are asked to do, it takes personal revelation to make sure I am doing it right. How many kids to have? Yep, chalk that one up to personal revelation. No one has the right answer but Ryan, me and God. Get out of debt? Yep, another for the personal revelation category. That way I know if I'm doing things in wisdom and order and in a way that pleases Heavenly Father. Being a better mom? Yep, totally need personal revelation on this one. Everyday!

I don't see angels, I think I could only categorize hearing a "voice" a few times in my life. Mostly, it's small and simple feelings, impressions, and tender mercies that I'm working to hone my listening ears and heart to. I am getting better.

- I am a little paranoid about people judging me. Do they think I'm foolish for this choice or that? Yes, I get caught up in the worry over my image (not as in my looks, but as in, do they think I'm perfect enough?). I don't like it. And I'm getting better at over coming this. I try to think about others view of me enough to not be a brat, but not enough that it is crippling my self worth. It's humbling though to realize that I worry of people judging me, but on the other hand, that is probably because there have been times I have been quick to judge others as well. Oh it is so easy to judge. Must work every day on developing charity.

- Ryan was gone on his lobster hunt the last 3 days. He's back and now every time Leta sees him she says, "Daddy's home." He got one lobster and about 9 fish. The girls are happy. Lucy is licking her lips in excitement over tomorrow night's lobster night. I am growing up as a wife too. The first time Ryan went on this dive after having kids, I made him a big list of demands (fix this before you go, don't complain about that...) It was probably because Leta and Annie were only 4 months and Lucy and Elsa were just 3. Not necessarily a time in my life I felt like letting him have a break. Now I enjoy that fact that he could go on this trip. We handled life marvelously and he had a great time. I like when I'm truly happy merely because he is happy. That's a good place to be in a marriage.

I have been known in the past to have a chip on my should over the fact that if a father (aka Ryan) wants to do an extra activity in his life, he can up and go without much change, much planning in the child department. If I, as a stay at home mom to 4 littles, want to do something, I have to bear the burden of lining up babysitters, having Ryan clear his work schedule...making what seems like everyone bend over backwards so I can go do something more selfish. It really leaves me with anxiety and when it come down to it, it isn't fair. (I'm not saying Ryan doesn't do this for me from time to time with a happy heart, I'm just saying that it's simply much easier for a father to leave home than it is for a mother.)

But this trip gave me some more perspective. Do I want things to be perfectly fair? When I was a young girl, I dreamed of the day I could be a stay at home mom, not the day I could go have my own mini-vacation. It is true that Ryan and I are equal in many ways, but inherently, roles are different as a mother and a father. If I wanted fair, I would probably be expected to pay half the bills and thankfully I don't have to do that. Thankfully I get to be the one here when Lucy learns how to ride her bike without training wheels or Elsa needs' comfort after her first bloody nose.

I learned to have a different perspective. I don't want to complain that I feel like I have to move mountains sometimes to get my alone time, I need to be thankful that I am getting to finally live my life long dream. I yearned to be a mother and I have relearned that my countenance really should reflect the gratitude I feel in my heart for this season in life. Before I know it, I'll have 4 teenagers and will long for the days when I couldn't even go potty without a toddling companion. (I bet I won't say potty when they are teenagers either.)

- I started reading a book. Well, books. I started "The Work and the Glory." It's a 9 book series. I have no self control so I read every chance I get, staying up late, procrastinating projects and cleaning. (I'm sure I have some self control - I don't drink, smoke, cuss. I go to church. I'm a decent person - but I do lack in the self control department. Sometimes I wonder how different I would be if I had more self control - I would eat better, sleep better, think better....goals would be met, awesomeness accomplished sooner...) Anyways, this is why I don't like to read - it interferes with my daily life. I'm too much of a "I want to know all the details and want them now" that I keep reading and reading just to get to the end as fast as I can. (Sometimes I cheat and go online and read summaries of books, movies and t.v. shows just to get to the ending faster.) So, my sleep has been lacking due to my book obsession.

- I think because of my lack of sleep, I wanted to cry in church about 10 times today: when a father walked into church holding his baby after just recently returning from months and months of boot camp and being away from his family, when the 2 returning missionaries spoke - their moms must be so proud of how mature their boys sound now, when the kid's sang "I Love to See the Temple" and the chorister got tears in her eyes, when the kids sang, "I Will Follow God's Plan For Me" and it reminds me of my sister's little girl Sadie, when I talk about service, when I see the good desires of Lucy and Elsa.... I should got to bed so I'm not so teary eyed.

So there is my novel. I'm off to read my novel. Who needs sleep? I'll just deal with the emotions.

Oh I'm thankful for my life. I'm thankful for the ability to feel happiness.

Grandpops

2011-09-30T00:30:00.000-07:00

I think I've said it before, but I LOVE that my girls have grandfathers.

I never got to know my grandpas. They both passed away before I was born. Yes, it made me sad a few times, but also, as a child, thinking of my grandfathers made heaven feel more real and close. And there was Bro. Millett who was an adopted live in grandfather for a few years and I can't overlook the fact that my grandma Nichols is enough of a grandparent to cover all the grandparental needs I had.

But still, it is wonderful my children have grandpas. Leta is a hard to please girl, but boy does she love her grandpas. Today is my father-in-laws birthday. (Or rather, yesterday I guess, I'm posting this late at night.) I count my blessings all the time and grandparents are at the top of the list.

Hobbesie Lobbs

2011-09-28T16:39:00.001-07:00

We have a cat. That means I now have to deal with animal poo, feeding another living thing, and waking at 6 to it attacking my hair. On Sunday Hobbes even grabbed a dead bird (we have an epidemic at our house where several birds have died from smacking into our windows) and ran back into the house with it. It doesn't sound glorious at all and sometimes I wonder why it doesn't really bother me that much.

I love watching our girls interact with him. He normally likes to hang out right where the action is too. Rarely will he hide from us. He has added a fun dimension to our home.

I was telling my sister Karyn about how good it is to have a pet in our home and how good it is for our girls. Her response, "I think it's good for you to have Hobbes because it makes you feel more like you." (or something to that effect)

Amen Karyn. I guess I never fully realized, but having a pet has made me feel like the person I always thought I would be. I was the kid who brought home stray cats and now that I've reverted back to that feeling of my childhood, it feels more like me. It was a good choice to stop pouring over the pro/con list of pet ownership and just go for it.

Besides, we all like that sometimes it feels like we have a miniature mountain lion in our home.

Who knows, we will probably get a dog ones of these days too. You can tell me all the cons you want, I have thought of them all and more, but, sorry to say, the Melzer's are now pet people. We have a pet and we like it. (Besides, I think it would be Leta's "therapy" dog. That girl loves her puppies.)

Oh, and I'm taking this one as my ultimate compliment: The other day I asked Lucy and Elsa what they wanted for Christmas. They said they wanted to get a mom cat for Hobbes. They feel bad that he doesn't have a mommy to take care of him. (They must think a mom is pretty special and everyone needs one.)

Just a Thought

2011-09-25T21:14:00.000-07:00

I hear Lucy and Elsa laughing in the other room. Leta and Annie just stopped talking. Bedtime was 1/2 hour ago (8:00 PM). I love that they have each other.

Ryan wonders why I am dragging my feet with potty training Leta and Annie. He thinks I'm trying to keep them babies for longer. That isn't true. It's because I know what is in store. I know for the next 6 months I will have to drop everything and run to the closest bathroom and help with every step of potty time, times 2. Wherever we are, whatever we are doing. At home, at the store (not that I get to the store much), at a museum, at church. Any mention of potty means mom will have to cram 2 girls into the bathroom stall with her, sometimes 4. I think I'm still recouping from the last set and they were easy.

Ryan was also teasing me about my plan to keep Leta and Annie in their cribs as long as possible. They feel safe in their cribs and normally choose not to crawl out. That bonus isn't available with regular beds. Again, my motive isn't to keep them babies as long as possible. My motive is to preserve naptime for as long as possible. Oh glorious naptime.

I just read a blog post from another double twin mom of mine talking about how there should be Lamaze classes to teach breathing techniques to survive the 2 year old years. I totally agree. I have found myself sitting in the car with all 4 kids strapped in, thinking...in...2..3...out...2...3... just as an attempt to calm my racing heart.

Have I mentioned Leta can scream? I need to get it on video. It'll be nice when Leta finally gets all her teeth. I think she is more on edge while she is teething but it is hard to tell because she has been teething for the last 2 years. She is working on her last fang and her 2 year old molars now.

I read another blog post written by a friend from high school. She has been dealing with a lot of health problems and mentioned how it is nice when someone truly asks how she is feeling because they care. And how there is a huge difference between not being mean and being nice. I think often I can get caught up in my own bubble that sometimes I don't get out to do the nice things or the heart felt things. I could do better in my relationships with others. (Though I do have to remember the lovely talk from Neil A. Maxwell, "On my office wall is a quote from Anne Morrow Lindbergh: “My life cannot implement in action the demands of all the people to whom my heart responds.” I love his talk about pace and the need for quality relationships.)

2 seconds

2011-09-24T14:29:00.000-07:00

Hey, my 2 seconds of fame. One article here (though it sounds weird to have bits and pieces of a conversation quoted) and you can see the hood of my car here in the last half a second of the video (I think they took out the ending since I threw pixie stix his way). I wonder if the full broadcast had more of us?

Orange and Blue Since 62'

2011-09-23T23:45:00.000-07:00

So, this last week I helped organize the build of two alumni floats for Westwood's 50th anniversary.

I think I took on the responsibility of heading up these floats because it was soon after Lucy and Elsa started Kindergarten and I was feeling a little more capable of handling a challenge. Things didn't seem as stressful.

So, after hours and hours of calling for sponsors and donations and digging through construction site dumpsters and shopping for supplies and building and begging for help and trying to delegate and be a leader and making flyers, and trying to be patient with my own children who were there to "help" on the float, I realized it was a pretty big responsibility to take on. And although I tried to be Mrs. Organized and keep things simple, I was still running around like a chicken with my head cut off and making 2 floats is never simple.

I think if there were another float building marathon week, it would go better next time. But, I'm thankful for friends who take on challenges like this right beside me. (I like doing crazy things, but I always need a partner in crime. I love that my friends from high school are still some of my best friends. I really lucked out in the friends department - even my siblings talk about what a great group of friends I had during the growing up years.) And it was fun meeting some of the current high school students in the drama club who came out and helped. Plus I have family who helped watch my littles and go on parade candy runs for me and even loaded up all the troops to support us at the parade. And a husband who is more than capable of taking care of all of our girls, even if he lets it be known that he doesn't understand his crazy wife sometimes.

I took on a lot this week, juggling momhood with floathood. People said I was looney, but Lucy and Elsa got to ride on a float and I'm sure this memory will be etched in their minds for awhile. And I think there were a few other people who enjoyed this opportunity. One of them made us laugh with her werewolf costume when the moon came out each night.

It's been a goal of mine for the last few years to help Mesa actually have a pretty good parade and now I can cross it off my bucket list (that is, unless I try to spear-head bringing back the Mesa Day parade:). And if you missed the parade, I think you missed out. I think we topped all the big parades in town. Seriously, this was probably the only parade in Mesa in the last 10 years that had 9 unique floats, several other club participants, a horse with a bona fide warrior (it made me happy that I worked to have a real warrior there when we pulled up and Leta screamed with excitement when she saw the horse), a marching band, a tank, a barrel train, and lots and lots of candy. I even threw candy at Bruce Copper from News Channel 12 as he was filming. I don't know if he appreciated pixie stix being flung at him. I blame it on peer pressure from Ryan and Mike. It was just sad that today happened to be one of the hottest days in September. Everyone was roasty toasty even before it began.

We made it through the parade without any floats falling apart (though I feared) and no children were ran over (though I feared when I saw how many would run into the street - making me glad mine were in the car and on a float), we enjoyed our Navajo tacos at the carnival and made it through the half time show.

But, I may or may not have yelled at one of the vice principals of Westwood. I was so mad that he didn't listen to me about the half time show and pretty much made it where the float Ryan and I were driving didn't get to go around the track like it was supposed to. I yelled, and it felt good at the time, but of course, now I'm feeling a little bad. I've learned to be more feisty, but I have feisty regret. Everyone is human and makes mistakes and it might be a little embarrassing if I see him again. I'm still working on not being upset about the whole situation though since we worked so hard.

__________

These littles sat on my lap during the parade and enjoyed all the candy that I tried to throw out the window while Ryan and I drove the 60's float.

This is the 2000's decade alumni float. It's a headdress if you can't tell. Marily said that the kids had fun throwing gobs and candy to everyone. They probably ran out mid parade.

My girls aren't really into being photogenic.

Even her random suckers were blue and orange.

These little girls have a warrior for a mom and a warrior for a grandma. My mom was part of the first graduating class to attend Westwood all 4 years. This is part of the reason I figured I would take on two floats, not only my decade, but also my mom's to ensure the 60's had a proper one.

Of course they needed their face painted. And of course they are refusing to wash it off.

I laugh for 2 reasons. These clothes are the exact same size. Twins, but built differently. Also, these are my shirts...that I wore in high school. They were a little mad I didn't make them Indian dresses.

Halftime

Marily my co-captain and our "man power." Without Ben and Mike, there would not have been a float. They sacrificed their time to be our cutters and our drillers and our "make this where it won't fall on anyone and kill them" crew.

Now we just have to clean up and destroy all the hard work from this last week. Oh joy. And my house looks like it exploded. That happens when mom chooses to take on wild ideas. But, maybe I'll start sleeping more and eating healthy again.

The Update

2011-09-17T21:43:00.000-07:00

Annie is doing much better with her drooling problem. Doesn't seem to be as pronounced. Also she has been angel Annie lately.

Leta's screams are still pronounced but she is cute and gives good little kisses on our cheeks to mostly make up for it.

So, Leta is still a pill and Annie is currently being more of an angel. If Leta is screaming, Annie will give her the look and say, "Leta, shh." "Leta, stop!" "Leta, shh." Oh, and if Leta isn't eating, "Leta, eat!" Annie is maturing.

Leta and Annie both like to say, "What's going to happen?" or "Look it." Leta likes to toot and always blames it on someone else. "Daddy toot." "Mommy toot." That girl is a tiny little thing but filled with lots of personality.

Last week we had more Zanya time. We went to the park because it finally dipped below 100 degrees and we went to the museum after school on Friday. We ate our sack lunch and then played. The museum was practically empty and I think we are going to make it a Friday afternoon tradition. The girls loved it. Apparently Lucy was going through Zanya withdrawals because today she asked, "Why doesn't Zanya come over anymore?" Only one day without seeing Zanya and she thinks she has been abandoned.

Leta and Annie went on their first work excursion with Ryan on Thursday. So fun! And awesome for me. I didn't know how to act. I was walking around my house, trying to do my to-do list all quiet because it felt like nap time. Then I remembered no one was here and so I decided I might as well catch up on the finale of Design Star while I cleaned the office.

This was Ryan all loaded up with the girls. Lucy and Elsa were going to Kindergarten, Leta and Annie were going to work. Apparently Leta cried for most of the trip (Ryan had to go take pictures of land) but then fell asleep for the last 30 minutes.

This morning our neighborhood had a community garage sale. I have been purging my house lots over the last few years and I have been feeling that it is best to just donate to DI. Well, I couldn't resist a garage sale. I pulled out some of my current DI pile and found some things I would be willing to part with if the price was right. People were lined up at my garage when I opened it at 6:50 AM. We made about $160. Not too shabby, though I did loose sleep last night with my prep. (I kind of fell asleep with kids climbing all over me and poking me at about 6:00 this evening and got a little nap). I like feeling lighter in our home. I'm learning that every item in our home affects it in one way or another. It's therapeutic to let go.

Lucy and Elsa helped me and also sold cotton-candy so I took them to the store to let them buy something they have been wanting: glitter glue pens! Well, Elsa got the pens and Lucy saw a dry-erase book that she fell in love with. They are happy campers.

I also couldn't resist checking out my neighbors garage sales. I may have made some money, but I also spent some money too. I bought us a duvet cover since Ryan and I haven't had a bedspread in about 2 years. We'll see if it gets used on our bed or if I make two twin bedspreads for Lucy and Elsa's room redo. I also bought sparring gear for $10 that I thought my sister Katie might want for her boys, but after tonight, I just might keep it. Lucy and Elsa had fun putting on all the gear and I think there was something therapeutic in letting them safely duke it out with their twin. They just laughed and laughed while working on their punches. "Hey, now let's only punch with this hand."

Next week is float week. Marily and I are helping to build two floats for Westwood's 50th anniversary. Today we went and got some paint that Space Age Auto is donating. It's going to be awesome (though I'm sure a very crazy and tiring week.) Obviously the crazy and tiring part doesn't deter me because I always volunteer for these things.

Fancy Kathryn

2011-09-13T23:54:00.000-07:00

I'm just an ordinary lady. I like being the ordinary go with the flow type. I love being a stay at home mom - it is my choice and I wouldn't change that. I usually wear jeans and a t-shirt (or maybe it's pajama pants and a t-shirt). My wardrobe is 90% hand me downs and over 3 years old. I don't leave my family and go on fancy retreats. I kind of live in a little bubble with my husband, kids, and family and refuse to come out.

But, sometimes I spend 5 minutes doing my make-up instead of 2. Sometimes I put on my fancy outfit, give myself a little spritz of perfume, wear my one fancy bracelet, and do things that really are different than my normal routine.

Tonight I got to go with Marily to a fundraiser for the Diving Lady. I spoke for about 2 minutes in front of about 75+ people (I'm bad at estimating crowds), who happened to be people like city council members, an editor of a magazine, the president of the Mesa Chamber of Commerce, the men who have been working to restore the diving lady, business men and women...and I didn't throw-up, I held my own. I mingled, I chatted. I was totally hobnobbing it with people who make money by day instead of changing at least 10 diapers a day.

I like being ordinary me, wouldn't change my situation, but sometimes it is a little exhilarating to do something out of the ordinary, even for just 3 1/2 hours.

Thank goodness for nice business people in Mesa, who make it easy to hobnob with. Thank goodness for Marily, cause I always need a partner in crime. Thank goodness that Ryan is a stellar dad who even though he has lots of work (hallelujah!!!!), he worked late on Monday and went in early today so he could come home from work tonight to let me go mingle. And thank goodness that I have girls who act like I am so beautiful when I get dressed up. (Ryan wasn't quite sure about my belt thing, "Is that the trendy thing now?" he asked. Lucy and Elsa thought my belt was quite nice, "Dad, stop. Mom, don't listen to him.")

I see people do these outfit run downs on their blog and I never do them cause I'm never dressed up. I've thought of doing one with one of my usual "work" outfits, just to be sarcastic. But since I actually got dressed up, here is the low down:

- shirt: Forever 21. I got some birthday money from my mom and since nearly all my shirts have holes in them, I decided I better actually go shopping for myself. I keep hearing things about Forever 21 so I thought I would check them out. Thanks mom.

- cardigan: Angela. Angela can count that she has clothed the naked because I love all her hand-me-downs.

- pants: from the years of when I actually needed "business casual." Thanks goodness my kids keep me active.

- belt: a buck at the thrift store

- bracelet: my string of pearls that Ryan bought for his Pearl when we were rich. (Past tense. Before we had money and blessings. Now we just have lots and lots of blessings.)

- shoes: thrift store

Now, back to reality, hair up in a ponytail, cause my house looks like it exploded and we have scouts at our house tomorrow night.

Oh, and P.S. - this morning, Lucy and Elsa's carpool came to pick them up for school. I looked like a mess cause I didn't sleep very good. And as we stood by the front door so I could open it, with 2 five year olds in flip flops (I was too tired to put on their tennis shoes) and 2 two year olds and myself in bare feet, a scorpion started to run around right by our feet. How we didn't step on him, I don't know. I screamed for everyone to get back, grabbed Annie and Leta and jerked them out of harms way. Then Lucy and Elsa jumped over the scorpion to get outside to go to school, I got my fly swatter and killed the little devil and Leta and Annie clapped for me. We were a sight, but at least we were a safe sight.

10 Years Ago

2011-09-11T22:52:00.003-07:00

Why not 3 posts in one day?

10 years ago...

- I remember sleeping and being woken up to the news. I think I walked into my mom's room right as the 2nd plane crashed. I remember my mattress was on the floor and my room was a mess. I must have been changing rooms that I slept in.

- I think I didn't go to my MCC classes that day. I just didn't really want to do anything on that day.

- I think I went to work (therapy with children who had autism) but came home early.

- I remember watching a lot of news. I don't think Ryan went to school that night so we just hung out and watched the news. I can't even remember if we were at his house or at mine.

- I remember thinking that I needed to get things in order.

- I remember a day or so later telling my dad that we needed to get the scout flags and put them up everywhere. So I helped put up flags. I'm pretty sure I made sure our house had a flag flying for quite some time. I already had a patriotic heart, it just hopped into high gear after the attacks.

- I loved seeing all the flags around town. My favorite was the truck I saw with 2 flags waving on flag poles stuck into a tire in the bed of the truck.

- I remember looking at the sky and thinking about the noticeable absence of planes. Well, I think I did see some fighter jets.

- I remember talking with my friends about the unknown.

- I remember that all of a sudden it seemed like everyone loved each other and wanted to be nice to one another. People were more respectful, more united, more kind. People were also more humble and less into themselves. I wish more of that would have stuck around for longer.

I remember where I was when I heard the news, but everything else is pretty foggy. But does that matter? Things happen and we change. I'm pretty sure I am a better person than I was 10 years ago. Take that terrorists. You loose. You'll always loose.

Gone Fishing

2011-09-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of trying to do better with my blog - I've decided to commit myself once again so not being so wordy, to not proof-reading and over-thinking my posts to the point that one post takes 3 hours to write.

This last weekend, it was the Father/Daughter Outing in our ward. I grew up LOVING father/daughter ward outings and so I was very excited that Ryan got to be part of helping to make this fun weekend possible for our girlies (well, the older girlies...next year Leta and Annie will get a chance). Lucy and Elsa enjoyed playing with ward friends (they got to know some knew friends too), playing the games that Ryan took up, and going to the creek and fish hatchery. I'm so glad I'm married to someone I trust and who actually likes doing things like this with our girls, not just because it is his duty.

I would post pictures, but our card reader doesn't like Ryan's work camera that he took.

On Saturday, my dad came to pick me and Leta and Annie up to meet Ryan and the girls that afternoon and go fishing at Willow Springs. We also met up with Katie and her family, who were already up there for a family outing. It was a beautiful day. I asked Ryan, "Remind me why we don't do this more often?" The girls loved playing by the lake, the weather was perfect. I got to sit and relax a little and watch my girls enjoy family and nature. Every so often they would take their turn coming and sitting on my lap and relaxing with me. I loved the one and one attention I could give them. It was wonderful.

Lucy, Annie and Leta each caught a fish. Well, Leta reeled hers in most of the way, but I was too busy taking pictures to grab the net and so it got away once she got it almost to shore. I think this was Leta and Annie's first official fish. Elsa was sad she didn't get a fish, but I'm sure she will next time. And believe me, there will be a next time soon.

On the way up, my dad, the girls and I stopped at KFC. Leta had fun just hanging out on grandpa's lap drinking her sprite. I tried to get a cute picture, but caught my dad's grumpy old man face. Glad he is a better fisherman than a model.

Ryan you can thank me later for not capturing your exposed back side.

They each had fun poking at the hanging fish. Yep, it was a small fish, but a fish nonetheless.

Leta and Annie could have sat and thrown rocks in the lake for hours. It was a little crazy to think that almost exactly 3 years ago we were in the same spot, pretty much doing the same thing with Lucy and Elsa at the same age.

Elsa

Lucy

Annie was just so happy that she was finally outside again. We haven't had a good long outside time since July when we were in Snowflake and Utah.

I am proud to say that I have raised beautiful girls who are not above getting a little dirty and having some fun in nature. I think it is a good skill to have.

Hi 5's.

Aunt Katie's treats were a hit as always. This is Annie with Parker.

The crew hanging out in the shade.

Raiden's fish. Logan was the netter. Lucy is watching and ready to take notes on her notepad (Lucy LOVES notebooks)

Lucy hanging out on my lap.

Leta hanging out on my lap.

Leta crying for more Pringles.

The happy couple.

On the way home we discovered our new go to place for dining: Basha's in Payson. We paid $8 for a fresh wood fire pizza and then $7 for produce and drinks. Healthier and better tasting than other fast food. Besides, the little deli area was a quiet place to eat. Can't say it was the cleanest, but we are adding the Basha's number to our cell phones so next fishing trip we can just call ahead and it'll be ready when we arrive.

We drove home with Leta screaming most of the way and then got into a crazy storm that was much needed in our dry Arizona desert. It made for a great ending to a nice day (except for the Leta screaming part).

Thanks pops for being the master fisher and driving me and my babies up there.

Seriously, fishing with my pops is great. He sets up about 8 poles (we all have permits thanks to my mom and dad's ingenious Christmas present) and keeps watch over the poles. When there is a bite, he calls for a reeler and a netter. The kids get to do their action and catch a fish, take their proud moment picture, and then he baits it again and casts it back into the lake to wait for another bite while the kids go off and play again or poke at their catch. For young kids, this set up is perfect. I'm sure when they are older, they will have more patience in holding the pole and will learn how to bait their own hook and cast, but for now, they get to enjoy the best part of fishing thanks to grandpa.

I'm Not Mrs. Soandso

2011-09-11T16:16:00.000-07:00

I get a little sad at times. I can't keep up with blogging every memory, capturing everything in video and photos. I know I've failed in a few areas. I've missed capturing first steps better, or all the silly things my girls say. I've got about 100 started blogs in my draft pile. I go back through pictures I have taken and get sad that it has gone too fast, that I don't have more pictures and videos and blog posts, that I wasn't better. I'm disappointed that Leta and Annie are 2 and we are yet to take professional family pictures.

I know it is silly to try to live for the past. That all the professional pictures in the world wouldn't change the outcome of the one big goal I have in life: live worthy to keep my eternal family. That I have a bright future smiling brightly before me and the past is pretty awesome too, even if my memory is fading and I never captured that picture of Ryan and I going for walks on cold winter nights with Lucy and Elsa in their Snugglies and then zipped up in our jackets so that only their round little baby heads poked out. Blogging, videoing, photography...I have to remind myself again and again that it is okay to not get it all. I'm pretty sure my girls are going to grow up knowing I love them and that I provided them with opportunities for awesome memories even if the story of our life is missing a few pages and chapters and our pictures aren't always in the best lighting. Got that Lucy and Elsa and Leta and Annie, Mrs. Soandso probably did a better job than your mom of capturing everything, but your mom loves you. Thanks.

Sometimes I Wonder

2011-09-04T22:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder...why am I here? I mean, I grew up loving country magazines, loving pioneer stories, loving animals. I totally thought I would live in the country (maybe at least Lehi). Tonight I started reading the girls "Little House on the Prairie." I wondered how I ended up living in a more fancy neighborhood where cows aren't allowed? Why do I have a pool and not a few acres of land? Why didn't we choose something more modest. Why am I not moving to where the ringing of another ax can not be heard, the shot of another gun (I'm referring to "Little House of the Prairie" here, not the ghetto) like Ma and Pa did.

But then some days I can also picture myself living in a downtown skyrise somewhere with Ryan and the girls. Never needing a car, only taking the subway to museums. We don't need a backyard with a huge water bill if I have awesome parks within walking distance and my awesome fun interior design mind actually put to use.

Then Angela and Clint bought a historic home in west Mesa. For 20 years west Mesa was home to me. I love the character of older homes. I love their neighborhood. I love going back to where it feels familiar. Why did we buy a home that is only 10 years old and not 50 and in...gasp...Mt. View territory?

But, I guess my home will be 50 years old some day. And I'm pretty sure I know why I am here, because it felt right. And when I stop to really think about it, it does feel like home even if it is more fancy than me. We are blessed.

Home is where you choose to be happy. Fancy, modest, grass or no grass. Mt. View boundaries or west Mesa. Close to family or far.

I just hope I'm being the happiest that I can be...right here at home. (Even if there are times that I can picture myself and my family being happy elsewhere too.)

____________

This was our first home (well, we paid rent for a few years to call it home). I think I would actually embrace the orange counter-tops now. I still kind of miss this place (not the bad AC though). I really miss the $525 rent though.

This was our second home, our first purchased home. God bless America - notice my awesome flag? This was a very good home, but there was something about finding out it was twins that made me run closer to mom and sisters. It makes me sad thinking about the room that I had dreamed and planned to be a baby's room that never got to be. Of course it was going to be red, white and blue. My Americana decor has been tamed a little, though I think I should find a good wall for my huge flag.

This is our home. We have had so much life brought into these walls that you can't help but feel attached. You want to know something weird - I cringe when I post pictures of this home because I get a little embarrassed that thrift store loving me chose a tad fancy. I do find it ironic that a major draw to our home 5 years ago was the thought that we would never have to move again. Then house prices crashed and the option to sell even if we wanted to was taken away and suddenly things became a tad more scary. But we have dealt (and are still dealing) and filling these walls with memories and scuff marks from pink tricycles that roam the halls - because it is still stinkin' hot in September.

Okay, I chickened out and you get a picture of me, about 3 weeks before Lucy and Elsa were born. This couch is in our bedroom, because we have a room big enough for a couch too. Since the time this picture was taken, this couch has usually had laundry on it full time, I stopped paying to get my hair highlighted or to even go out for a pedicure like it appears I have in this photo. The carpet has more spots, we don't even bother to use a bedspread on our bed anymore - sheets and blankets do just fine. And my house feels more like home. I've already planned to have the Lucy and Elsa's wedding receptions here. (I don't plan Leta and Annie's yet, cause I'm keeping them babies in my mind for as long as I can.)

****If you wonder about my philosophical posts...Ryan reads these and says, "Your dad's genes are shining through" and then he says that I'm weird and starts laughing. Then I try to pinch him and he tenses up like I'm about to beat him. I'm glad I have a husband who is usually the first person person to read all my posts. Most of the time he encourages me, even if he says I'm weird in his most loving voice.

The Controversy of Discipline

2011-09-01T15:03:00.003-07:00

Sometimes when things bug me, I write. And then sometimes I hit "publish." Sorry if you get to see my train-wreck of thoughts at times.

I've been hearing about this mom who was arrested for giving her child hot sauce and cold showers. I finally watched the video last night. I was horrified, not because I felt the mom was evil and deserved to have her kids taken away from her like many of the people who commented on the video said, but because I saw a mom who knew she was at the end of her rope and needed help (although making a tape for Dr. Phil might not have been the best idea). I was sad, because quite frankly, I've had some moments I'm not proud of either and I started to read all the comments like they were aimed at me. I went to bed last night paranoid that someone could think I didn't deserve to have my kids.

Motherhood is not all sunshine and roses. Sometimes it is so emotionally exhausting because one minute you don't know if you can contain how much love you have and the next minute you don't know if you can contain your frustrations. I can see how a mother could over-react. I know I have at times.

I'm not saying what this mother did was perfectly fine, obviously something wasn't working since she used these punishments what seemed like a little too much and cold showers in Alaska are different than Arizona. However, there have been a few times in my mothering career that I have used hot sauce and cold showers. When Lucy went through her biting phase, the only thing that finally got her to stop was a couple of times of using a dab of hot sauce on her tongue. But I would follow up with milk afterwards. With Annie I did the same thing once, (until I realized vinegar was a better option the 2nd time) and now Leta doesn't walk around with huge teeth mark bruises. And my older girls have gotten a quick cold shower or two for being crazy in the bath. I gave them warnings and told them that they don't deserve a nice warm bath if they aren't safe and nice. It was a punishment that fit the crime. But afterwards they got to get back in the warm bath or get a nice towel.

Is it sad? Yes. Do they cry? Yes (although Annie didn't really mind the 'spicy hot'). But sometimes consequences stink, no matter the age. I cried when I got a ticket for an accident I caused.

In our home we play games, we spend one on one time with our children, we pray, we teach, we read, we compliment, we encourage, we try our best. But sometimes that discipline aspect comes into play when all the preventative stuff didn't work. Sometimes we have different situations arise because we have the whole two sets of twins aspect. I guess my point is that sometimes I am firm. Sometimes my girls get punished. Does that make me abusive because they got hot sauce and cold showers? Sometimes there are huge screaming fits at the injustice of going to bed without a bedtime story for being crazy during scriptures and prayers, or the injustice of loosing a privilege or getting a toy taken away. I know deep down good discipline shows real love, but at the same time it is so hard for me to do without feeling like the mean mom.

I'm not perfect. There have been times I didn't keep my cool while disciplining. There have been times where I have lost it and yelled too much too. I even made myself a "no-yelling chart" when things seemed to be really crazy. But, I almost always follow up with love. My girls know that I'm working on patience just as much as they are. (And I think I do pretty good considering how much I am screamed at by the youngers and how many needs and demands I must meet everyday.) But the truth is, I could see where this mother in Alaska was coming from. She obviously needed help. It may seem easy to judge this mother, but she knew she was at her whits end. She lives in Alaska and maybe she had been couped up all winter, maybe she has no emotional support system, maybe...we just don't see the full story.

Any one of us could look like the most horrific mom with the right editing. Blogs and FB are another quick way to judge a person by their cover. I would cringe if the worst 2 minutes of my life where on display for the world. It seems as though everyone is quick to give an opinion, but not everyone is quick to lend a helping hand.

We live in a time where abuse can come in many forms - underworked or overworked, fed too little or fed too much, over-disciplined or under-disciplined, over-indulged or neglected, etc. I have given my children hot sauce and cold showers a few times when the punishment fit the crime. But after a depressing night of thinking the world would want to take my kids away from me, I realized I'm still a good mom*. I'm far from perfect, and I have my list of things to work on, but I'm a good mom even if I would still give a cold shower to prevent a bath-time accident (I'll probably use vinegar from here on out with any biting though). And I think that mom from Alaska could have that love at home she was so desperately wanting if she just had the right support system.

*I have to remind myself that I'm a good mom sometimes...one of my vices is giving into the temptation to belittle myself and think I'm worse than I really am. I'm pretty sure most women have that vice as well. It's like you don't want to be prideful and you want to be honest with who you really are and what you need to work on, but at the same time you let thoughts creep in that you are worse than you really are...or am I really the only one that thinks crazy like that?

And just so you know we are happy, here is another favorite picture of Ryan and Leta. She sure loves it when daddy comes home:

The New Phases

2011-08-31T22:53:00.001-07:00

Lucy likes to create spaces. She will load up toys, blankets, pillows, shoes, clothes and anything else she can think of and create a little nest. Um...I guess she never grew out of that nesting of her younger days. She has a need to have things close around her. I blame it on being squished in the womb. It's interesting to watch her craft, but very much a mess. In the last week she has created 3 spaces. I've allowed them to stay for a day or so before I make her clean it up, but then she just creates a new one. She made one in the closet the other day and insisted on sleeping in there. Elsa joins in on the nest building when she feels like it.

{Lucy and Elsa built this 'nest' on Thursday night last week in anticipation of me letting them sleep in the living room on Friday night.}

Today I was lazy from 12:30 - 5:00 and had fun watching Lucy and Elsa entertain themselves while I plunked myself on the couch (well, as much plunking as you can do with kiddos). They played McDonald's and were happy when cousin Mallory came over for a bit. I love watching my girls get better and better at using their imagination and playing independently.

If I want Lucy and Elsa to go play quietly in their room, all I have to do is ask them to go clean up their bedroom and playroom. At first they will clean, but eventually it will get really quiet and I know they are trying to be sneaky and play instead of clean.

My girls like to draw and color. Sometimes themselves (the youngers) and sometimes they come up with masterpieces. Lucy and Elsa have done some step by step art at school and it has started expanding their drawing horizons. Leta still loves to draw her circle/triangles everywhere. Literally, we have had pages and pages of this same design.

Leta and Annie are so crazy and cute. One minute they'll be screaming because they both want the same toy and then if I give it a few minutes of scream session, surprisingly the one with the toy will decide to share. It's usually Annie who decides to share, mostly because Leta is a huge screamer who always wants what Annie has and Annie likes the high-fives and big to-do I make over the fact that she actually shared. (May I also add, that this doesn't happen all the time. We have plenty of LONG scream sessions. I may or may not be a tad scarred for life in my hearing ability.)

I love this picture.

Leta is sprouting another tooth. The way I look at it, we have been teething for the last 5 years. Annie started teething at 4 months and got hers fast. Leta is slow and steady and is just now getting her last "fang" (I think proper term is K-9...and Ryan just laughed at how I spelled 'canine'). This means Leta has had a big time fever. Thank goodness for Tylenol.

I also like to give Leta and Annie frozen blueberries to eat, especially in this heat wave and with Leta's sore mouth. The blueberries are already messy, but Leta and Annie like to paint their face and chest with the round balls of blue. Lately, they get blueberries, go outside to play in the water and then come in for a long bath. We have such quality time while sisters are at Kindergarten.

{Leta was being camera shy}

Speaking of Kindergarten, they are having a bike safety rodeo at their school tomorrow morning before school starts. Lucy and Elsa seemed excited to go because they would have treats amongst other things. But, we would have to load up 2 bikes that still have training wheels and arrive at school an hour early. I didn't picture it going well, but I didn't want to crush the girls. "Lucy and Elsa, what if I take you to get a treat after school instead of going to the bike rodeo?" Lucy was easy to please and quickly responded yes. Elsa was quick to bust out her negotiation tactics. "You'll take us to QT and let us pick out whatever treat we want?!" It was kind of a question, more of an ultimatum since last time at QT I only let them pick from the budget row.

Speaking of heat wave, this needs to end. I'm keeping my thermostat at 82 and I'm still going to be paying out the wazoo for utilities.

And somehow these 3 boys made it to age 8 and were all baptized last Saturday. These boys are living proof that angels do exist.

Randomness for 8-23-2011

2011-08-23T23:27:00.002-07:00

"Mom, we got to ride in Zanya's dad's car. It's white. It can go up hills and mountains. But our dad has a racecar."

I'm wondering if we will ever have an electrical fire. We have 2 two year olds who love to push their chairs to every light switch in the house and turn the lights and fans onoffonoffonoffonoffonoffonoff.

We usually have to have every fan and light on in the house thanks to Annie.

Dear Aunt Katie and Grandma,

You might not be getting your books back anytime soon. Leta eats, breathes and sleeps with them.

On Sunday I must have been in the zone, because in primary I had 2 boys kicking each other and I didn't even notice. Finally another teacher had to stop them. I was so focused on singing time. My inability to focus on several things at once has sunk to an embarrassing level. Sometimes by the end of the day Lucy and Elsa have to repeat themselves several times before it sinks in what they are asking of me.

I have 1 T.V. show that I currently take the time to sit and watch on our computer: Design Star. With the latest episode each designer got to decorate a room in a family of 4's home. 2 designers in this competition are mothers and they thought it was ironic that they were chosen to decorate a room for each of the 2 boys in the family. After the show I thought, "Are these designer mother's clueless?" Okay, that's a little mean, but...in the room of the 2 year old there was a huge top heavy floor lamp. Maybe that particular 2 year old is different than mine, but there are no floor lamps in our home for a reason, especially in their room with their toys. And his curtains were hung out on a hula-hoop. Fun concept but the way they did it, it would take Leta and Annie about 2 seconds to pull them down. In the 6 year old's room they built a custom bed for him. Basically it looked like they put a mattress on a table. No rails or anything. Would you let your child sleep that elevated without any sort of side stopage? Talk about hoping they have medical insurance for the broken bones.

I LOVE to decorate (though right now I would say, I love to dream of decorating). But I am often baffled at what some people consider "kid-friendly."

I love having Lucy and Elsa in kindergarten. All these years I was trying to figure out how "other" moms do it. How do they seem to not have their house explode everyday and how they could actually get things done....I felt like I was racing every day and still coming up far short. Then Lucy and Elsa started school and I figured out that the secret to success is having school aged kids. When I'm bummed that I didn't get everything done in my special 3 hours of 1/2 kid time, I almost have to pinch myself to remember that I get that time tomorrow and the next day and the next day.... It's so neat. Before it was maybe once a week or every other week that I would have 1/2 kid time. Now it's everyday. I love that Leta and Annie get me in the mornings and Lucy and Elsa get me in the afternoons when Leta and Annie are sleeping. I'm loving our new season in life. Though I kind of stink at making sure these papers that I think are homework actually get done.

Really, I don't think I can fully explain how different things are now. I'm still so so exhausted every night, Leta and Annie are still very very demanding, but...I feel like I can breath a little during the day now. I hope I never forget how crazy things were for a few years due to my awesome 4 kids in 3 years policy.

I think I might have to plant a few trees in memory of the ones that will die this year in order to supply Lucy and Elsa's learning.

Lucy and Elsa are growing up. They now prefer showers over bath time.

Dear World,

According to Leta and Annie, everything belongs to them. Sorry.

"MINE!!!!"

Does anyone have a device that records the decibel level of a noise? I think I need to record Leta's screaming talent.

And somehow Hobbes still purrs a lot. He seems to like us, even if I try to take a sweet picture and instead get Annie pulling his tail. Hopefully he still likes us after Thursday when we take him to get snipped.

Different

2011-08-18T21:52:00.001-07:00

I better not leave my money post up for too long. People might think I'm going to start making my 5 year olds pay for their own shampoo and conditioner.

I'm a different mom than I thought I would be. Growing up I never really thought about bedtime, or "spoiling your dinner", washing up, asking to be excused from the table. I don't remember chores at 5 either. I didn't learn what double dipping was until high school (maybe even college?). We just went to bed when it seemed right and ate dinner until we didn't want to eat anymore. I eventually learned to clean and was a good little cleaner of the house (just maybe not my room). And my siblings and I grew up into fine individuals who contribute to society. We were raised well.

But now as a mom, I find that with my personality and the fact my children come in pairs, I thrive on structure and organization. This includes instilling a few extra rules. I worry at times that I'm the 'uptight' mom that as a child I thought moms were if they insisted on eating your brussels sprouts or having a more strict bedtime. However, it's all in perspective. I think I would actually be more uptight if I didn't parent the way I do. I may ask them to wash up before dinner but I still think they will grow up into fine individuals who contribute to society. And I hope I'm raising them well.

Same life goals, different mode of transport.

Good thing there aren't strict rules on parenting because I think we all like to make our own. I have 4 girls and if history repeats itself these 4 girls will all have different views on how best to parent as well.

Pretty sure Annie is going to take her family on lots and lots of bike rides and walks. And Elsa will craft all day with her family. Lucy will make sure everyone has their own space and Leta will have several dogs.

Melzer Money

2011-08-16T20:55:00.002-07:00

I wanted Lucy and Elsa to understand money a little better - you know, to help them understand that mom doesn't buy them everything, not because we don't have money (although sometimes that is the case) but because money means choices. Some things cost more than others and some things take more sacrifice and some things should be treated a little more carefully because well, if they broke, they would cost a lot of money to replace. I want them to realize the cost behind things. That money can be great and fabulous and freeing if you understand it and have self control, but also money can bind you down and destroy families and cause contention if you become obsessed with it or don't have self control. I don't want misers, but I also don't want children who feel entitled to everything. I want girls who show gratitude, work hard and feel more ownership.

So, we talked about tithing, savings (for the older years) and the extra funds (ie - spend however their 5 year old heart desires) categories. We talked about what chores they have to do because they are part of our family and what jobs they can do to earn an extra quarter or two. My little entrepreneurs also brought up other ways they can earn money (cotton-candy sales and lemonade stand). We talked about maybe having some goals about something big we want to save for. Elsa mentioned saving her money for Disneyland and Lucy mentioned going on a boat.

Then we finished and Elsa asked if I would take them to the store tomorrow to buy some toys with their "extra" money. I asked, "What about saving for Disneyland?" She said, oh, I'll start that later.

Then they had to pay me each a quarter for pouring themselves a bowl of fishy crackers and wasting it by adding water to it (I did make them eat some before they got too soggy).

Then Lucy and Elsa didn't want to clean their room or playroom and were about ready to pay me $4 to do it for them ($2 each) before they saw the error of their ways.

And Elsa had to pay Lucy a quarter because Elsa was a very slow cleaner. (Such a difference from last year. Elsa was my go to cleaner - but now it's Lucy).

Then Lucy had to pay Elsa a quarter for hitting her.

This money thing is going to be good, but it's going to be a long process.

And this post has no pictures because everyday is exhausting, especially this one.

First Day of School 2011

2011-08-10T22:34:00.001-07:00

Today was the day - the first day of the next 17 years of schooling for Lucy and Elsa (at least - because they will get a college degree).

I didn't sleep through my alarm. I even woke up 6 minutes before it went off, only to fall back asleep for 5 and wake up to it.

Breakfast was green smoothies and yogurt and granola. I didn't know what the best first day breakfast was, but Lucy and Elsa chose this (minus the green smoothie part, mom is the green smoothie enforcer). The girls gradually ate and gradually did everything I was asking of them to get ready. I had to keep reminding them that too much graduality and we would be late. "Girls, I don't want to get mad, but FOCUS." They were readied, Lucy barely missed Annie's explosive tossing of her green smoothie, we snapped the cutest pictures in the world and we were off for the first day of kindergarten.

Then the panic attack started. Several hundred feet from the school, traffic came to a stand still. I quickly pulled off and parked and told the girls, "Time to run with mom." We walked fast, sadly watching the traffic actually pick up and go. By this time, Lucy and Elsa had to go potty, again. Our goal was to get to school, go to the bathroom again, and hit the playground. We made it close to the bathroom and the bell rang. Bathroom would have to wait.

At Meet the Teacher Monday night, we were told to have the kids line up on the red dot on the playground come Wednesday morning. Like dutiful parents, we had located the red dot on Monday so that things would flow well on the first day. I quickly walked the girls (who still needed to go to the bathroom) over to our red dot. Then I noticed the other parents talking about a different teacher. Come to find out, we were in the 1st grade red dot line and since Monday they had painted a new Kindergarten red dot. Who knew there would be several red dots? By the time we located our red dot, the class had already been picked up.

I briskly walked Lucy and Elsa to class. When I taught, I liked parents to leave their child at the door and let me do the rest, but my plans weren't going the way I expected anyways, so I marched in with them, helped them tell the aid that they needed to go to the bathroom, helped them give their supplies to the teacher and find their desk. I even snapped a few pictures. There were no time for tears, I was too panicked about being so rushed. (Though I don't think there would have been tears anyways - I was ready and they had each other and Zanya - their ward friend.) Thankfully, I was not the only parent who went to the wrong red dot or had a hard time with crazy traffic. I do think I was one of the last parents out though (darn). In my defense, I had two students to say goodbye to.

Lucy and Elsa did superb. Their favorite was recess. Ryan and I took them out to lunch afterwards to get a little account of their day. We videoed them. It's pretty funny. We congratulated them on growing up. And I am plum exhausted from staying up late to get backpacks ready, make bracelets, finish washing white shirts, lay out clothes, plan for breakfast....it literally felt like I was preparing for Christmas morning.

Part of me was feeling a little overboard with how big of a deal I was making about going to school - special dinners, dates with just mom and dad, worrying about their clothes, making special bracelets, building up the excitement, videos, lots of photos....I wondered if I was pulling a first mom kind of moment (you know, the over the top first birthday party that doesn't happen for subsequent children) but I realized that the bigger deal we make of school now, the more they know how important we view education in our home. The past few weeks of prep were a good investment.

So enjoy the cuteness below and hopefully we find our red dot before the teacher picks up the class tomorrow morning.

Hobbes was watching intently

These are the bracelets I made. They say "SHINE" (our theme). I had the stuff on hand, so I thought at 11:15 last night- why not? After the 5th time of dropping a completed but not tied off bracelet, I realized why the not. But, my mom would stay up late doing the special touches for me, so I'm just carrying on the tradition.

Zanya and Elsa

And now I get 3 hours just with these little hoodlums. It didn't take long for them to raid my purse and find hidden suckers. I tried to teach them the finer points of playing independently, but Leta wasn't having it.

Start of School Dinner and Survey 2011

2011-08-09T22:01:00.000-07:00

Today was the day - the last day before having a strict regimen. It's going to be a fun phase of life, though I imagine that I will wake up several times in the night tonight thinking I have overslept my alarm.

I wanted to get my girls more excited for school than they were, so Ryan and I planned a special evening. I've seen many a mom in blogland pull these special back to school dinners off and it was an idea I wanted to steal and use as a Melzer tradition.

It was perfect. I mean, the table cloth was just a sheet, my decor wasn't fancy, but the girls got more excited and felt really special tonight. No fighting and lots of content smiles. That's perfection in my book.

Lucy and Elsa chose roast beef and mashed potatoes for their special meal. And to make any meal fancy in our house, we just add sparkling cider as our beverage. The girls made their own crowns, they helped me decorate, even adding more random special papers after I left the room. Lucy and Elsa also got "ready" by finding their finest dress up clothes and spending some time with the dress up make-up. We lit some candles and we even had a lesson and theme. This year's theme is: SHINE. It was the first thing I thought of, it was simple and one word commands always work better with the 5 year old department.

We talked about what it means to shine, we drank our cider, had homemade ice-cream, watched pictures of the last 5 years on the T.V. (I would say video, but that might make it seem like I did something fancy. I just made a file of pictures, put them on the jump drive and watched them in video form through the PS3). Ryan also gave Lucy and Elsa back to school blessings. Of course I cried.

Annie with the backwards crown look

Leta holding her crown

Princess Elsa

Sassy Pants Lucy

My make due, but it works decor

It sounds like a lot, but really, it was dinner with a few more steps that made all the difference. Definitely a keeper in the traditions department. And definitely easier since my mom watched all the girls so I could run to the grocery store this morning.
________________
Also, while Leta and Annie "napped" today (not sure Leta slept much), I pulled Lucy and Elsa into the office for a one on one interview. I stole this idea from Jennifer Ward Badget. Thought you might enjoy. All words are theirs, except those in parenthesis. I thought I would clarify a few points.

Survey 2011

What is your name: Elsa Kate Melzer

What is your favorite food: Um, oatmeal and mashed potatoes and beef jerky (roast - thankfully my roast tonight was not like beef jerky)

What is your favorite color: Pink! Pink! Pink! Pink! And white. And belue (not blue, but belue). And red.

What is your favorite thing to do: I know, I know. Swim! Swim! Swim! And go places like grandmas'.

What is your favorite memory: Holding babies (Leta and Annie) when they were first born.

What is your favorite thing to play with: I know, I know. Mommy, I know. Mallory.

Who are your favorite friends: Mallory, Mallory is my favorite friend. And Logan and Parker and the girl Parker and that’s all (we have cousin Parker who is a boy and 2nd cousin Parker who is a girl).

What do you want to be when you grow up: I know! I know! I know! An artist.

What is something that is hard for you to do: Clean up.

What is something that is easy for you: Um…play.

What is the best part about being 5: Going to Kindergarten.

What are you most excited about for Kindergarten: I know! Um…going to the gym. Library. Crafts at school.

What makes you special: That we’re cute (while letting out a big toot).

*************

What is your name: Lucy

What is your favorite food: Um, roast beef…chicken.

What is your favorite color: Um pink.

What is your favorite thing to do: Um go at the water slide and go at the park and swim and at Chick-Fil-A

What is your favorite memory: Um…kind of some scorpions. (I don't think either girl really understood the term "memory." They both referenced things they saw on my desk. Elsa saw a picture. Lucy saw the jar that had a scorpion we had caught in it. Maybe next year they will grasp that vocabulary.)

What is your favorite thing to play with: Um…let me think. Hum…new barbies that Jen gave us.

Who are your favorite friends: Mallory and Eldon and Kent and Sterling and Karyn and Grandma and then let me think…Malena and Utah friends and Snowflake friends.

What do you want to be when you grow up: Um let me think…teenager. Are you a teenager? (I replied, "Nope, I’m a mommy.") I mean a mommy.

What is something that is hard for you to do: Clean up and let me think…hum…a heavy rock.

What is something that is easy for you: I know! I know! I know what’s easy, just one toy (probably in reference to the clean up sentence above).

What is the best part about being 5: Having a birthday.

What are you most excited about for Kindergarten: Um just treats and stuff.

What makes you special: Um Jesus!

I would like to note that Elsa sat in her chair and quickly answered all my questions. Lucy lasted about 30 seconds in the chair before she climbed up onto the arm and back of my chair and liked to ask me random questions like, “Mom, do we still have our swim shoes?” “Why did you take this off (pointing to an object on the desk)?” “Can I listen to that (the headphones)?”

P.S. Grandma - I hope you know that Annie was just beside herself tonight because we actually made her go to bed and wouldn't let her keep riding her trike around. She loves her trike. Hobbes is having to learn how to stay clear though.

Sorry If I Sound Like a Bragger

2011-08-09T08:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like if I say the same thing too many times then people think I'm bragging. I don't want to be a bragger.

For instance, in the last 2 years I have been the 2 sets of twins lady. Everywhere I turn I feel like I bring up, "Oh, I have 2 sets of twins." And if I don't bring it up, someone brings it up for me. I have said, "2 sets of twins" so many times in the last 2 years that sometimes I cringe when I say it because I don't want people to think I'm bragging about my momhood. But of course I still say it because really, I am the 2 sets of twins lady - what else would better describe me in this season of life?

Lately the phrase that makes me cringe is "half day kindergarten." I've said it so many time to everyone that I feel like moms who choose full day kindergarten think I'm bragging. But, it's been the current event in our life, so I say it.

Sorry if I sound like a broken record bragger. I'm no better than the next.

And just to clarify on yesterday's rambling post, I love that as parents we have choices. I can choose half day (cringe - said it again) or full day or a charter school or home school or a semi-private school (like Franklin or the Mesa Academy), depending on what matches our needs, wants and quirks. And obviously I have quirks.

Just don't be the kid that brags to me in 3rd grade about how you are smarter because you are doing 4th grade level work at your fancier school - cause then my whole life I will set out to prove you wrong.

Obviously I don't like bragging and therefore I get paranoid that people might think I'm bragging.

The end.

Kindergarten Here We Come

2011-08-08T22:21:00.006-07:00

It was meet the teacher tonight. I didn't realize that I would be nervous to meet the girls' teacher - would I seem like a good mom? would my girls make a good first impression? Kind of weird being on the other side of the isle. I know I only taught for 2 years, but still a little funny going back as a mom and not the teacher. Ryan went with us. He put on nicer clothes. We totally wanted to seem like we are mature enough to have kindergartners.

School is starting and I should probably collect my rambled thoughts:

- I don't think I'm scared. It's time for them to go and start this new phase in life. It's exciting. I always loved school as a kid. It'll be great to have this new routine, to have new friends (what, there are friends beyond cousins?), to have school functions and homework and have true summer vacations and holiday breaks. The Melzers are ready for kindergarten.

-Lucy and Elsa aren't really excited. I think they are just a tad nervous. I worried that I'm a bad mom and missed the lesson on how to get your kids ultra excited for this next step in life, but my mom reminded me that they are the oldest in the family and therefore the excitement factor isn't quite there because they haven't seen older siblings go.

-I think I have said "half day" way too many times in justifying my decision to others because Elsa always reminds me, "But mom, it's only half day!" Really, they will be gone for about 3 hours a day. Not very long at all. But, it is weird to think that these little girls who have hardly left my side for 5 years will be out of my care for 3 hours every day (and I don't even have to pay for it). My mornings are definitely going to be different.

-I feel dumb when people tell me that my kids are going to miss out or not be ready for 1st grade because I'm choosing the half day option. They will be fine. They will get to do lots of fun stuff too, even if it's only half day. Half day isn't for every family, but it is for ours. It was the right choice this time around. (And sorry I have said half day about a million times already in this post.)

-This is going to sound stupid, but I don't need my kids to be geniuses. It seems common for parents to want their child to be ahead of the academic game. I'm okay if the girls' teachers doesn't push them ahead academically while in elementary school. In 3rd grade I remember spending a considerable amount of time learning how to play the ukulele in class and making crepe paper leis and doing art projects in preparation for our Hawaiian programs. I think that would be scoffed at in today's education system. But I wonder what I would have missed out on if my parents were dead-set on only giving me the teacher that pushed above grade level work or if my teacher couldn't do any of that stuff because she needed to prep us for AIMS. I still graduated with honors, got a scholarship, got a degree and believe learning is lifelong, even though I wasn't pushed ahead in my early years. (I just wish I could have said that back in the day to all the students who went to the other more private elementary school and would brag about their above grade level work. Yes, I still have that chip on my shoulder.)

-I definitely have my opinions on elementary education and it's mostly that we need to slow down and let our young kids enjoy the process of learning (and let them be kids). I think we would produce better educated, more prepared kids if we quit pushing them too soon. I don't like worksheets and I don't like test prep and I don't like lots of homework. I would really be a different and better teacher if I went back to work now that I have had kids of my own.

-I have a prediction: Elsa is going to do awesome at reading and learning right from the start. She will be a great student. She will want to come home from school and play school. Lucy will have her struggles. Reading and writing will probably be hard for her. She will probably frustrate her teachers because concepts will take her longer to grasp. But come about 2nd grade, Lucy is going to catch right up to Elsa. She will probably be the child hidden in a corner of our house with a book in hand. I know I am going to have to be Lucy's advocate. I know she doesn't fit the educational mold that is expected from young children. But I also know she is going to break through these struggles in a few years. I think her brain is literally going to make a shift and things will just start clicking. We just have to have patience with her, keep her motivated to work hard, and let her love learning.

-How well Lucy and Elsa do in school is primarily my responsibility. I have a lot of responsibilities. Growing up I know I wouldn't have done well in school if it wasn't for a good home environment.

-Lucy and Elsa are spending the night in the living room tonight as one last hurrah of summer.

Why does it feel like this was only last year? I think having another set of twins messed with my mental timetable. It feels like I'm raising Lucy and Elsa again and therefore Lucy and Elsa should only be 2.

Don't Take Your Kids to the Mall

2011-08-04T23:34:00.000-07:00

Today we had our last summer movie day. Surprisingly Leta made it through the whole thing, even if she did have 2 or 3 screaming fits. Annie drank her sippy, Leta's sippy and Parker's sippy. If one cup goes in to Annie's stomach, it seems as though 2 cups come out.

Since the theater was close to the mall I decided to run in with the girls to see about new closed toed P.E. shoes for Lucy and Elsa. I thought it would be quick, so I didn't stop to change Annie's diaper.

I hate malls. Full of glitter and glam and a whole lot of beautiful things that we all want, especially two 5 year olds who beg and thus get lecture after lecture. I should have learned by now it's a natural thing and just to ignore them, but I'm so paranoid that they are going to grow up to be teenagers who expect it all. So I lecture about being happy with what we have and we don't need much to be happy. They interpret it to mean mom and dad don't ever have enough money.

Of course it takes longer to cruise through the mall and I'm a mess because I've said no 50 bajillion times and the isles aren't really isles anymore. Stores took them out long ago and pushing a double whammy stroller equipped with 4 grabbing arms through non existent isles around leisurely shoppers is exhausting. I almost ran over a few customers.

Then mentally and physically exhausted I notice that Annie is soaked - her leggings, dress and the seat of her stroller. 3 cups in, 6 cups out. Should have changed her diaper after the movie, but this was going to be a quick trip...right?

We got shoes, lost a little sanity.

Doctor Mom

2011-08-02T22:16:00.001-07:00

I always knew there were "doctor moms." My mom was one. She knew how to nurse us back to health, how to take care of us when we were sick. Doctor moms have to know the body and how it works, have a study of medicines, knowledge of nutrition and ways to relieve pain and speed healing... Doctor moms even have to deal with insurances.

Since being married, we have always had to buy our own health insurance policies. Insurance has always been a pain in my side, whether it was getting denied for using fertility medicine or having to deal with actually getting my medical expenses paid or the high monthly premium for "good insurance." I've spent hours and hours on the phone dealing with our insurance companies.

The year after Leta and Annie were born, we payed over $1500 a month in medical expenses and insurance premiums. I know that is typical for some and I shouldn't complain, but it really hurt, especially since Ryan's pay kept decreasing too. So this last year I finally clued into the fact that paying for "good insurance" was really paying to be over insured for our family who is generally healthy. We recently switched to a high deductible/health savings plan. We cut our monthly premiums in more than half. I look back and realize that if we would have switched insurances years ago, even with Leta and Annie having huge expenses that first year, we would have saved ourselves thousands. (Chalk another up to the oh well department.)

Because it is a high deductible plan, well checks are covered 100% but everything else is basically out of pocket (no more $25 copays). Although I know we are still saving money even if we go to the doctor several times a month at the higher rate, I do think twice about going.

After well checks in the middle of July, my doctor momness was put to the test. Lucy came down with her viral mouth infection and Annie developed a huge swollen lymph node in her neck. I had already pointed out her lymph node to the doc at her well check. Since a baby, she has almost always had one somewhere a little enlarged. He said, "Yep, it's a little swollen." Well, after shots, this one got more swollen. Then when we were in Snowflake, it got huge.

For each case, the worry wart mom in me wanted to rush to the doctor. But the calm mom who talked to other moms and started doing research knew that these were things that I could monitor at home and that the doctor would say the same thing "Oh, it's viral, there isn't anything we can do" or "Yes, it's huge, but give it a week or two and let's see what happens."

So with Lucy began the mouth rinses after every meal and morning and night and the herbal drops and the lots of liquids and a soft diet and getting plenty of rest. And every night I would worry and search on the internet to learn more about the virus, to see what else I could do. Then after a week, it finally started to improve, just like I had heard.

And with Annie I starting giving her more liquids, more fiber, and would massage her body and face and brush her lymphatic system and I gave her apple cider vinegar (yes Katie, I'm turning into a hippie) and Ibuprofen for a few days and warm baths. And every night I would worry and search on the internet to learn more about the lymphatic system, to see what else I could do. Then after a week and a half, it started to go down in size, just like I had heard.

I guess I wish that I could run to a doctor for every bump and hiccup. Ryan jokes that I would hook my kids up to a permanent heart monitor if I could (that and install a GPS tracker in them too so no one could kidnap them). But, reality is that as moms we have to be the first go to doctor. I am far from a college MD, but I totally use the power of the internet, the knowledge of other moms, and my own past knowledge to help me be a "doctor mom." (And the power of prayer to help me not freak out so much. I have a tendency to freak out and assume the worst.)

I am so thankful that I can turn to real doctors when needed. And I'm so thankful my children have always had something that they could heal from. And I'm thankful I have the ability to learn and take care of my children. I mean, doesn't it make sense that I should be their primary care physician?

Elsa and Lucy ready for the snow.

Annie with taps

Leta with one high heel.

The Melzers Invade Utah (Novel style)

2011-08-01T00:38:00.008-07:00

(If you read all of this, you are a champ. It may take you a few days)

As a young girl I dreamed of family reunions, big adventures with extended family that you never see. I grew up with many family vacations with cousins, I don't know why I never equated them to be family reunions. Maybe because we never had official shirts and we saw our Rowley cousins all the time anyways.

In the last few years my side of the family and Ryan's family has made a greater effort to have official family reunions. I'm always more than willing to help make them come to pass because I revert back to that young girl inside me dreaming of big adventures with my family.

But family reunions can be tricky. There are many opinions on how things should be handled, how food should be prepared, who pays for what, when and where and how things are conducted. I've noticed that at reunions I often have an instance or two where I am lacking in the communication department with my husband and wish to flick him hard in the head. Real hard. I also feel like my mothering is on display for all to see and I get a little stage fright. I've noticed it's not all touchy feely stuff with either the Melzer or the Papa families. But I do know that I am so blessed to have the families I do, to spend the time with them that I have and to create long lasting memories for generations. Family reunions are tricky, but I still jump at the chance to attend. They are wonderfully exhausting.

For this year's Melzer Reunion, we spent 10 days (July 1 - July 10) in Utah at Ryan's older sister's house. Rachel is an amazing person to open her home to 10 days of people invading her bathrooms, taking her kids' bedrooms, never allowing her alone time, and spreading 10 days of dirt into her home. We so enjoyed the cool Utah weather, the many free and fun activities, and are ever thankful to Rachel and Don for opening their home to us.

(Rachel)

Before we left, someone asked me what we were going to do for 10 days, like it would be hard to fill up the days. I'm a firm believer that anywhere you go, with the right attitude, you can fill plenty of days. In Utah it was pretty easy. Here is the rundown on our fun times -

Planning:

It's official. No matter how early I start my preparation I always get little to no sleep the night before a vacation. I just keep adding more and more things to get done before I go. Deep down I have this fear that I'm going to die on vacation and I don't want people coming into my home and seeing how dirty my bathrooms are or leave loose ends on my to-do list. Plus it's always nice to come home to a clean house. Ryan doesn't understand but he wasn't complaining about all the work I got done before we left. 2 big loads to DI made for a more organized Melzer home. (Of course I don't think I will ever get everything done on my to-do list and there will always be loose-ends.) Next vacation I should really try to get more than 2 hours of sleep before we go because I never get that sleep made up in the car with little screamers.

Day 1: Driving

It didn't take Lucy long to ask, "How much longer?" "When will it be night?" "Are we there yet?" I even made her a map of Arizona and Utah, it still didn't help. We made it in 11 hours. We watched a few movies, listened to some books on tape, slept (very little), had snacks and enjoyed the beautiful scenery. Leta and Annie screamed every now and then, but did pretty good considering the circumstances: 2 busy bodies strapped in a car for 11 hours.

Once we arrived, they didn't waste anytime getting down to business: playing with cousins.

Day 2: Grocery Shopping and Salt Lake

In the afternoon we took TRAX (Utah's public transport) to downtown Salt Lake. We went to the Joseph Smith building and toured the conference center. We got a taste of what it's like to take 2 two year olds on a tour (hence the main reason I took my mother-in-law up on her offer to watch Leta and Annie when Ryan and I went back to Salt Lake with Lucy and Elsa later in the week). There were quite a few big screams in a big quiet building.

(outside Rachel's house)

(I love the story of the strippling warriors)

Day 3: Sunday and FHE

After church and dinner we walked down to the amphitheater by Rachel's house for a patriotic lesson by my father-in-law. I love my country and I love patriotic stories. I had to blink back tears at the stories of heroism. Makes me want to do something even greater with my life.

(ironically, I married into a family that is just like me: if we aren't smiling, people think we are grumpy)

("Ryan, please just smile." "You got it")

(Leta and her daddy)

(blue eyed pretties)

Day 4: Independence Day - Parade and Canyon

I always have high hopes for the 4th seeing as how it is one of my most favorite holidays and has been since I was a little girl. We dressed in our red, white and blue but the morning of the 4th was a bust. We got split up from cousins at the Provo parade which created a 1/2 hour of constant complaints from the young Melzers (Lucy and Elsa) because of the less than perfect conditions. I was the only one enjoying it so we left after just a few floats. Then we tried our luck at the mall. At a store, we scared away workers with Leta's loud shrieks and Lucy's crying (she got into trouble for making Leta scream) and my overwhelmed and frustrated mom look. Then we noticed that Annie must have had too much to drink because her diaper leaked all down her red leggings. We quickly made our purchase with screaming kids (my birthday present) and I took Annie to the mall bathroom. I changed her diaper and tried to dry her pants in the wall mounted blow-dryers but it didn't do much other than make the bathroom smell like roasting pee. When we all finally sat down to eat, the day took on a much better outlook.

After the mall we headed to American Fork Canyon for an afternoon of visiting, exploring and BBQing. Ryan even made a little swing with our tow rope. All I had to do was make sure Leta and Annie didn't fall into the creek, fall into the fire, run away, injure themselves....good thing I had help.

After the BBQ we headed back to Don and Rachel's for Don's awesome firework show. You know it was good with huge cubes of aerials called "Midnight Rodeo." Leta and Annie were supposed to be in bed by this time (it gets dark LONG after their usual bedtime) but were refusing to fall asleep so they got to join in on the action. The fireworks scared them into cuddlers so I didn't mind. At one point I was a little worried that Leta may have slipped into a state of shock because she didn't blink or move her awe-struck eyes and mouth for at least a minute (which is very unusual for Leta to hold still that long) but she was alright and by the end they were getting used to them...a little.

(Ryan pulled a Box Car Children in order to cool his DP)

(Do you think they are brothers?)

(Ryan's siblings minus his oldest sister Emily. From L to R: Daniel, Rachel, Ryan, Anna, Angela, Lilly, James, Steven.)

(The whole Melzer family minus Emily's family and the rest of Angela.)

(Emma Pearl and Lucy Pearl)

(I see you Annie)

Day 5: Wake-boarding at Utah Lake

It is pretty awesome to be able to play on the lake with snow on the mountains behind you. My brother-in-law Don and his family own a boat and he was kind enough to take us out on the lake. Rachel was the hero of the day and stayed home with Leta and Annie so that Ryan, Lucy, Elsa and I could enjoy ourselves. Thank you thank you Rachel.

The adults wake-boarded and the kids got to ride on the tube. The conditions were perfect and I'm proud to announce that although this was my first time to wake-board (and my first time back on a boat after 10 years) and although it took a few tries, I got up! It was one of those things that feels really really good mentally (though physically I was paying for it the next few days). It's nice to have that mental ticker-tape running inside my head saying, "You are 29, you have 4 kids, but you can still learn how to do things like wake-board."

One of the funniest parts for me was that Lucy and Elsa had to go pee really really bad, but had a very difficult time relieving themselves in the water. Elsa told me, "We've been boating, but we have never been boating and peeing." After a few unsuccessful tries, my girls finally figured out that peeing in a lake really isn't that bad (fish didn't come bite their bums).

(I tried to zoom in on Ryan's muscles :) And where is the picture of my epic 1 minute run?...Ryan only took video. No still shot here.)

Day 6: Sundance and Stuart Falls

We were able to take a drive up to Sundance Ski Resort and ride the lift. It was beautiful and reminded me of the Alps. Lucy and Elsa got to ride the lift with Casey Anne and Lilly. Leta and Annie were with us and did just great, until Leta saw Grandma Melzer on another lift bench. After that is was scream fest as she tried to climb away from me and get to Grandma Melzer. It was like she thought she could just pop right over and sit on the other bench...30 feet in the air. Nice try Leta.

After lunch we went for a hike at Stuart Falls. This time Grandma Melzer and Casey Anne stayed back with Leta and Annie so Ryan and I could hike it with Lucy and Elsa. The hike was great, a little more difficult than I thought, but very very beautiful. Who needs Hawaii when you have Utah. When we got to the waterfall Lucy and Elsa were cold because there was still snow at the base. They wanted me to go back and get their jackets for them. Okay girls, I'll just hike the hour back to the car, grab your jackets and hike another hour back to the waterfall no problem. You just wait here for a few hours. Needless to say, there were some meltdowns for about 20 minutes, but we pushed through and then got back to being happy Melzers again.

I like it when my girls accomplish something hard (and we learned what stinging nettle is too).

(You know those pictures where you think you look good, so you make sure to post those...this is one of them. I'm not slouching, I'm angled good, nice natural smile, I have my awesome birthday present on, I look like I'm effortlessly holding Leta...The mountains in the back are just the icing on the cake. )

(and then there are pics where you don't feel so cute, but you post them anyways.)

(and Leta's downfall)

(finishing up felt great)

(Annie loved the kazoo Grandma Melzer brought. Leta and Annie didn't miss me much. Who would when you have the grandmas that they do.)

(cooling off in the creek afterwards)

Day 7: Salt Lake and walk with Leta and Annie

Growing up, if my family left the state of Arizona we either went to San Diego (sometimes Disneyland) or Salt Lake. Salt Lake has such a special place in my heart (you read how much I love pioneers). I love it there and it makes me feel so peaceful, so I made sure that Ryan and I got to go spend some quality time there with our girls...well, like I said, I took Helen up on her offer to watch Leta and Annie after their performance on Saturday in the Conference Center. (I totally feel like I have to justify myself with how many times we left Leta and Annie with family that wanted to serve us. I think I have a chip on my shoulder and I feel like people are going to think I'm a mom that is always begging people to take my kids off my hands - which I'm not. I hardly ever leave my kiddos. If they weren't 2 and weren't twins, they probably would have gotten to come. But they are and sometimes it's more important for the 5 year olds to have the memory.)

In Salt Lake we toured around the Church History Museum, Temple Square, the Beehive House and the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. I had talked with Lucy and Elsa about some of the history in Utah and I loved seeing them witness the proof of that history first hand. I love that they knew that a beehive means industry (which, I think I need to adopt more of that symbolism in my own home). It was a day of a lot of walking and maybe a few moanings and groanings, but we enjoyed our time. I think the girls' favorite was the chocolate raspberry truffles they got. My least favorite was when I got mad at Lucy and Elsa for being grumps who looks at the sky when I try to take a picture. It just so happened that we were right in front of a picture of President Hinckley, so it kinda felt like I was getting angry at my child in front of the prophet. Eek. Lesson learned (that is, I learned my lesson)

That night Ryan went to eat with a missionary companion so I went on a walk with Leta and Annie and Anna and Hazel and Emma. Leta and Annie - I promise, you got plenty of quality time too doing things you enjoy.

(We took cousin Emma along for the trip too)

("Hey Ryan, take our picture." "Okay." "Alright, we are ready." "I already took it." "When?")

(Each of the girls choose their favorite picture. Emma is getting baptized soon...)

(Lucy loves baby Jesus)

(Elsa loves Jesus and pretty things - like the flowers and colors in this picture)

(The Beehive House. The girls were excited to go here, but I think Elsa was upset that everything was blocked off from touching and playing with.)

(I loved this miniature)

(See Leta and Annie - you had your fun)

Day 8: BYU, another Waterfall, Amanda and Steel Days

I told my girls that they have 2 choices of colleges: ASU and I have now added BYU to the list too (of course they can start out at MCC like mom and dad). We took a golf cart tour of the clean, safe, beautiful campus and then went to their Bean Museum. This was the most taxidermied animals I have ever seen. It was awesome. Afterwards we had to go eat at the famous Creamery. Then we went to Bridal Veils Fall, played in the nice cold water and finally I got to meet up with my good friend Amanda. She has been one of my longest friends. We met in elementary school and continued on through junior high, high school, college...even working together. She is now getting her Master's in Education at BYU. Ryan had fun climbing the cherry tree in her backyard and getting fresh picked cherries for the girls.

On Friday night, American Fork had their Steel Days carnival. I know I have already used up my quota for the word "awesome" but is was AWESOME. My kind of happiness. We just had to walk a few minutes from Rachel's house for free games, activities, prizes. We did have to pay for the food though. I loved every minute of it. Leta and Annie joined in on the fun until close to bedtime and then Ryan took them home. After that, uncle James stepped right up and helped both Anna and I out. What a good uncle.

(Lucy and Elsa were born the day the ground was broken for this building)

(just a tad bigger than Hobbes, just a tad)

(kind of neat that Lucy and Elsa have actually held one of these in real life)

(I spy...Leta)

("Annie, your mom is trying to prove that she exists. Now just grin and bear it.")

(Amanda and Leta)

(Leta LOVED this ride. Annie was off doing the obstacle course with Ryan.)

(Much to Ryan's dismay, the girls got their request and I let them keep their faces painted the next day too.)

(Uncle James to the rescue.)

Day 9: Parade, Mining Tour and Races

This parade outcome was much much better. There was actual happiness coming from Lucy and Elsa. Then in the afternoon we went up to tour the Kennecott Copper Mine. It was nice because it was free day, but a pain because everyone and their large families came out for free day too. Leta and Annie made it through the tour movie thanks to candy.

And for one of my most favorite activities, that evening we walked across the street to enjoy some foot races, soccer and football. Sadly Ryan missed out, but it did feel good to get some wind beneath my wings again. I miss my days of playing soccer and powder puff football in high school. Sure, I might not be very good and I can only beat 10 year olds, but it felt great to have a little dose of competition. I kind of crave that and I don't get many chances to actually play sports anymore. Besides, Lucy and Elsa love seeing their mom run around with them. I could have stayed out there for hours running and playing. Next time though Ryan, you better join us :) (Oh and I did add that one to my mental ticker tape too, "You are 29, you have 4 kids, but you can still get a little speed going.")

Then that evening American Fork lit off fireworks for all the Melzers. Thanks.

(walking to the parade)

(You better believe this made me nervous)

(Look, I'm so fast even the camera couldn't catch me :)

(Lucy, my speedy)

Day 10: Home again, home again, jiggity jig.

We took the scenic route, the route I always traveled as a kid, and it was well worth it...mostly. Leta and Annie did have a few meltdowns. But we enjoy the beauty all around.

(don't let this picture fool you into thinking they slept very long.)

Thanks Rachel for a wonderful 10 days. I finally got my dream Utah vacation. Leta and Annie got addicted to being "OUTSIDE" (oh yes, they would scream to be outside all day long) and having grandma time day in and day out, we saved money on our AC bill, and it reminded me once again to take up my goal to explore every state in the U.S...not just visit, but explore.

Dance Dance Melzer

2011-07-30T00:52:00.002-07:00

So, I've been working on my epic post about our Melzer reunion. In the meantime, I thought I would try out a video. I don't do many videos on here and I should. This one makes me laugh. Elsa loved playing this dancing game with Emma on the Wii. Annie, of course, loves to dance too. Then you have Leta, crying at my feet. The reality of my life. Laughter mixed with tears. Someone is usually making me laugh and someone is usually crying for help.

Pioneers

2011-07-27T13:55:00.002-07:00

When we first moved into our ward, it was announced from the pulpit that the ward was getting ready for a pioneer trek. They didn't say anything about it being a youth trek, just a pioneer trek and to mark your calendars. I was super excited to say the least. I leaned over to Ryan and whispered, "We have an awesome ward! They are going to be having a pioneer trek that we can go on." Ryan quickly dashed my bubble and clarified that although they didn't say it was only for the youth, this trek was ONLY for the youth, not for old married couples like us. I was bummed. Call me weird, but I swear one of these days I'm just going to plan my own pioneer trek for our little family.

I have always been infatuated with pioneers. I love that I have pioneer heritage. I love stories, antiques, movies... anything that is about pioneers. Growing up (okay, it still is) one of my favorite movies was/is Legacy, the pioneer movie they made for the newly renovated Joseph Smith Building. Because of that movie, I had to marry a man with strong hands. And when times get tough I often quote, "You can't loose faith Eliza." Plus, it's no coincidence that every name we have chosen for our girls has been a name that could very well have crossed the plains: Lucy Pearl, Elsa Kate, Leta Joy, Annie Ruth... all strong pioneer names.

This weekend we celebrated Pioneer Day. In the middle 1800's Mormons were hated. Fellow Americans *persecuted them, taking their lands, properties, even issuing an extermination order against them in Missouri in 1838. Rather than being killed, Mormons left what they rightfully owned and started again in Illinois, only to keep being persecuted again and again. After the mob killing of Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum, in 1846, Mormons started to head West, in search of a land free from persecution. The trail was difficult. Many had little provisions. Too many died along the way. But the legacy they left behind is amazing.

(*Ironically, although early Mormons faced this persecution, they remained ever faithful to the United States of America. During the trek West, there were over 500 men and women who volunteered to leave their families and help fight in the Mexican-American war. This patriotism is still strong in our faith today.)

I think often of these stories of pioneer heroes. My own great-great-great grandmother, Aurelia Spencer Rogers made the trek West without the help of her parents. Her mother had just died and her father was called to be a Mission president in Europe. At age 12, Aurelia and her 14 year old sister Catherine were left in charge of making sure their 4 younger siblings made it safely West.

Pioneers had to overcome it all. They had to work out their differences in order to accomplish a common goal. They had to push through pain and sickness and many did it with joy. I wonder what kind of pioneer I would be. Would I be sturdy? If I had just lost my livelihood, my property, my mother to death and my father had just been called away, would I be a brat and throw a fit on the side of the trail or would I go West with joy? Would I get over my differences, push through the pain? We don't live in a time of going West, but we do live in a time where many have lost much: property, livelihood, family...

After generations pass, it's the stories that are left behind. Aurelia Spencer Rogers went on to work for women's rights in America. She started the Primary program which still exists today and has made the lives of millions of children throughout the world better. Her journal documents the times she was able to laugh and play along the trail West. She could have been a brat. She could have thrown a fit and refused to go. She could have been a grump on the journey. But, she didn't, and because of that generations were blessed.

Last year I went to Saver's half off day that ended up not really being a half off day. I found this great statue of a pioneer mother and her 2 daughters, paid the $8 that I thought was to only be $4, spray painted it white and revamped myself a priceless art piece. It sits on my bedside table and reminds me daily to work on the stories that I am leaving behind. I may not wear a bonnet or have to walk a thousand miles or more, but I hope I am sturdy and leaving an honorable heritage that will be felt for generations.

So who is up for joining me on a little make-shift pioneer trek one of these days? Anybody? Karyn, I know you are game...now if only we could convince our husbands that playing pretend in the wilderness for a few days would be good for our families.