Why I'm Not....

I blame my lack of self-discipline on #1 - I don't like pain.  I tend to avoid anything that will bring me pain.  Pain scares me.  I think I can handle pain.  And I like to hold onto the badge of honor that a doctor once told me I have a high pain tolerance, but I still hate pain.  And #2 - "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman."  Not really, but this is my earliest recollection of openly realizing that self-discipline is not one of my strong points - I'm good at excuses.

So "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" was a show I would watch with my mom.  I'm sure some of you remember it.  A doctor during the 1800's out on the prairie, married a man who lived with the Indians.  In one of the episodes, a young Indian boy was sent on a journey.  I don't remember all the details, but he was supposed to journey through the wilderness, find an open spot, draw a circle and stay inside that circle for so many days (or something to that effect).  I remember my young mind (maybe I was 10?) thinking, "That's stupid."  "Why risk your life just to stay inside the circle?  What is that going to prove when you die from exposure to the elements and starvation?"

So it began a life of coming up with goals and eventually thinking, "That's stupid.  What's the point?"

Goal:  Waking up on a regular basis before kids.

Result:  That's stupid.  Kids just started waking up earlier too.  

Goal:  Go back on my kick to not drink pop - ever again.  (I was carbonation free from 9th grade until marriage.  Then only once a year until I got pregnant.)

Result:  That's stupid.  Sometimes a Pepsi sounds good.

Goal:  Cut back on sugar

Result:  That's stupid.  I'm generally healthy.  This batch of no-bake cookies at least has oatmeal in it.

Sadly, so many of my well intended goals end up in a "Why?" bucket.

I try to remind myself that obviously I have some self control.  I've been able to do some pretty great things with life.  You don't get things done if you don't have any self control.  I just need to fine tune it I guess.  

So I set one goal for this year:  exercise.

Since getting married, I've never exercised regularly.  I would do active things, but daily exercise has never been a habit of mine.  I had a gym membership after having Lucy and Elsa, but that was a joke.  I have my personal issues with other people watching my kids regularly and gym daycare just never worked out for me.  (I do realize that going to the gym is some moms' form of sanity - it just wasn't mine.)  And really, for the last 2 1/2 years every day was a exercise routine (I knew I should have purchased one of those Body Bug things that tells you how many calories you are burning - just to prove what a work-out being a mom can be.)  We are an active family, but, I could never claim to exercise regularly.

So, despite my past record of writing down millions of goals each new year, this year, the only one that kept popping up was exercise.  I've come to a point in my life that I realize that committing to daily exercise is going to be the deciding factor in a lot of areas of my life.  

I want to be a nicer mom.

I want to be more spiritual.

I want to not procrastinate my to-do lists.

I want to be happier and have more energy.

I want to stand taller (literally - I feel like a certain Disney character who lives in the bell tower by the end of the day).

I want to have a healthy glow.

I want to teach my girls healthy habits.

I want to feel less stress and anxiety. 

I want to think faster and more clearly.  I want to answer Ryan's simple questions without struggling to think of the words and have to resort to miming it.  

I want to be organized.

I want to be awesome.

And the one thing that my little heart said would help in all these areas was exercise.  Basically making exercise a habit is my pathway to breaking out of my self-control issues with the added perk of being a natural anti-anxiety pill.  

I don't want to loose weight.

It won't bring back my senior year of high school body.

And running a marathon still sounds like an idiotic idea to me (running until you throw-up or get the 'runs' - no thank you).

I just plan to do the simple things every day that bring my heart rate up and make me sweat (and I'm not talking about times when my two year old falls in a pan of paint or when the laundry is about the touch the ceiling.)  I'm talking jumping rope more than twice a month or actually training for a 5K instead of just winging it.  

And so far in 2012, I've stunk at my goal.  I did some stretches for 2 days and jumped up and down holding Leta on another day (I've had a cold the entire duration of 2012).  But, that is okay.  My head is going to clear, I will have less and less excuses, and I have about 353 days left to make exercise a habit.  I even get an extra day because of leap day.

It may take until the very last day to officially feel like exercise is a habit of mine - but I can do it in 2012.  I will draw that circle and stay in it, even if it sounds stupid.  Cause if I do, and I survive, that is what warriors are made of.