Running for Joy...Learning to

So I think everyone knows I'm a Mormon now.  Time to move forward.

I set a goal to run a 5K again.  I stink at goals.  Total procrastination of preparation.  I've been trying to do indoor stuff, like drinking more water, eating less junk, jumping rope (not with a full bladder though) and running my halls or doing stretches and leg lifts.  Leta and Annie just scream at me to stop the whole time.  And obviously it wasn't working cause I went for a 'run' and only went about a mile.  I think jogging is boring.  I'm more of a sprint, walk, jog kind of gal.  Maybe I should get someone to chase me, that might help.  Or just let me play a game of soccer.  I'm sure I could run a 5K in that situation.

But, this time I have a trendy little iPod.  It's playing Enya.  Music has power.  

Enya reminds me of dating Ryan.  I remember I had stolen (obviously borrowed) a CD from one of my sisters and basically listened to it over and over during those early days of dating Ryan.  It reminds me of laying on my bed, in my 6' by 10' room (or something like that - Thomas' old room), and staring at the strand of white label stickers I had written Ryan's phone number on.  Oh the butterflies.  Should I call?  Will he call?  He called.

At 18 - me, dating Ryan.  Not what I had planned.  But, you don't run from a good thing.  (And obviously I don't run.) 

I think about my life, how it is evident God has a plan for me.  Remember, this post.  Often when I think of my blog, I think of this post.  It didn't come from just me.  Words were coming to my mind like they were meant to be.  

When Sadie was born, I thought over and over about the song "My life is a gift, my life has a plan, my life has a purpose in Heaven it began...."  Well, this year in Primary, the children learned that song and will sing it in the primary program.  I cry every time.  I feel so silly, but it is so beautiful.  

Thankfully I'm not crying because I'm mad or angry, I just cry thinking about how little we know about how much our Heavenly Father loves us.  How He lovingly crafted a plan for each of us, one that sometimes we don't comprehend.  I cry thinking about the big picture.  I cry thinking about my sister seeing her baby someday.  She deserves every last piece of joy that will come at that time.

Our life is a gift.  We do have a plan.  It has a purpose. I think about how as women we open ourselves to much in our journey of motherhood.  Possibilities and reality of infertility, the unknown.  Loss, pain, sickness, worry, even soft mommy tummies.  Why do we put ourselves out there at what would seem to others too great a risk.  Because we know the joy of children.  We know there is joy in the journey, not joy because it is easy.   

I've been extremely thankful lately that I can feel that joy in the journey.  Oh, I do remember times when I couldn't.  Or times when there was a little, but not much.

But lately, it's been nice to feel an added measure of joy.  I don't know what I changed or did, maybe my making an extra effort to have my own personal prayers in the morning, maybe eating a little better, maybe learning to handle stress better, but I'm thankful I've been a little more internally joyful lately.  It really is true when they say (I don't know who, it's from those power songs) "It's your attitude that makes you!"  Having a better attitude and allowing myself to feel joy really has made motherhood easier lately.  Hopefully I can remember this when ruts come, cause they do come.  Like building a metaphorical jeep out of life's lessons to power through the ruts.   

Oh, the joy of it all.  Even if they (and me) scream a little.  Okay, they just might scream a lot. 

You are looking at Joy.  (Literally, this is Leta JOY) 

  

I would have given much more for them.