Sometimes I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder...why am I here?  I mean, I grew up loving country magazines, loving pioneer stories, loving animals.  I totally thought I would live in the country (maybe at least Lehi).  Tonight I started reading the girls "Little House on the Prairie."  I wondered how I ended up living in a more fancy neighborhood where cows aren't allowed?  Why do I have a pool and not a few acres of land?  Why didn't we choose something more modest.  Why am I not moving to where the ringing of another ax can not be heard, the shot of another gun (I'm referring to "Little House of the Prairie" here, not the ghetto) like Ma and Pa did.       

But then some days I can also picture myself living in a downtown skyrise somewhere with Ryan and the girls.  Never needing a car, only taking the subway to museums.  We don't need a backyard with a huge water bill if I have awesome parks within walking distance and my awesome fun interior design mind actually put to use.      

Then Angela and Clint bought a historic home in west Mesa.  For 20 years west Mesa was home to me.  I love the character of older homes.  I love their neighborhood.  I love going back to where it feels familiar.  Why did we buy a home that is only 10 years old and not 50 and in...gasp...Mt. View territory?

But, I guess my home will be 50 years old some day.  And I'm pretty sure I know why I am here, because it felt right.  And when I stop to really think about it, it does feel like home even if it is more fancy than me.  We are blessed. 

Home is where you choose to be happy.  Fancy, modest, grass or no grass.  Mt. View boundaries or west Mesa.  Close to family or far.   

I just hope I'm being the happiest that I can be...right here at home.  (Even if there are times that I can picture myself and my family being happy elsewhere too.)  

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This was our first home (well, we paid rent for a few years to call it home).  I think I would actually embrace the orange counter-tops now.  I still kind of miss this place (not the bad AC though).  I really miss the $525 rent though.  

          

This was our second home, our first purchased home.  God bless America - notice my awesome flag?  This was a very good home, but there was something about finding out it was twins that made me run closer to mom and sisters.  It makes me sad thinking about the room that I had dreamed and planned to be a baby's room that never got to be.  Of course it was going to be red, white and blue.  My Americana decor has been tamed a little, though I think I should find a good wall for my huge flag.       

This is our home.  We have had so much life brought into these walls that you can't help but feel attached.  You want to know something weird - I cringe when I post pictures of this home because I get a little embarrassed that thrift store loving me chose a tad fancy.  I do find it ironic that a major draw to our home 5 years ago was the thought that we would never have to move again.  Then house prices crashed and the option to sell even if we wanted to was taken away and suddenly things became a tad more scary. But we have dealt (and are still dealing) and filling these walls with memories and scuff marks from pink tricycles that roam the halls - because it is still stinkin' hot in September.  

Okay, I chickened out and you get a picture of me, about 3 weeks before Lucy and Elsa were born.  This couch is in our bedroom, because we have a room big enough for a couch too.  Since the time this picture was taken, this couch has usually had laundry on it full time, I stopped paying to get my hair highlighted or to even go out for a pedicure like it appears I have in this photo.  The carpet has more spots, we don't even bother to use a bedspread on our bed anymore - sheets and blankets do just fine.    And my house feels more like home.  I've already planned to have the Lucy and Elsa's wedding receptions here.  (I don't plan Leta and Annie's yet, cause I'm keeping them babies in my mind for as long as I can.)    

 ****If you wonder about my philosophical posts...Ryan reads these and says, "Your dad's genes are shining through" and then he says that I'm weird and starts laughing.  Then I try to pinch him and he tenses up like I'm about to beat him.  I'm glad I have a husband who is usually the first person person to read all my posts.  Most of the time he encourages me, even if he says I'm weird in his most loving voice.